Monday, 4 July 2011

It's a heartache... A lovesick man..

Hey Dolls,
Hope you are all well and had a great weekend.
Now this blog is slightly different.
I recieved an email from an annon reader who wanted some help and advice regarding his love life and the girl he is in love with. I have written back to him and given him my advice but I think it would be great for more of my readers to get involved and add points of view. Please leave your comments below or email blogdoll21@gmail.com.

Here is his story:


Dear Little Miss Vak

I wanted to share an honest story with your readers and get some feedback and advice. I believe men are misunderstood and that we tend not to give ourselves a good image. I hope my tale will rewrite yours and other people’s opinions of men. We have emotions and sometimes we are big enough to admit and then attempt to correct our errors. This is a love story, but unlike most, it’s yet to realise its happy ending…

Men are often perceived to be prats and we are. We make mistakes and we do things we regret. However, recognising we’ve made a mistake and trying to right the wrong is seemingly rare. I however am trying to correct past mistakes and write a better future for myself and for someone whom I dearly love.

Early this year I was living the dream, I had a girlfriend who loved me as much as I loved her. Things really couldn’t have been better but I let one tiny tiny thing get to me and before I knew it, I’d ended the best relationship I had ever had. What a fool I was. In truth, I probably knew only a few weeks after I’d ended it that I’d made the wrong decision but I didn’t want to admit that to anyone, least of all myself. After all, men can’t be seen to make errors can they?!

The weeks and slowly the months ticked on by. Nothing changed for me; other girls didn’t interest me at all, what was the point when there was only one person on my mind? Still, I couldn’t face up to that. I’m a man, I can’t find fault in anything I do.

Finally, a month ago a light-bulb clicked on in my head. I hadmade a huge error and let the most incredible person go unnecessarily from my life. Trouble was I’d not seen her now for close to three months and we’d rarely spoken. I firmly believe it is never too lateto say sorry and attempt to rectify a situation though.It had taken me too long to realise I was a fool but I had to tell her how I felt. I had to tell her I wanted her back in my life. If she loved me as much as I thought she did then somewhere deep in her heart she’d be able to realise the same feelings I feel now still exist inside of her despite the months of torture that she’d no doubt suffered attempting to move on from me – something she was reluctant to do.

So I plucked up the courage and I told her exactly how I felt, not missing out a single detail. I’m not expecting to jump back into the deep end immediately; it takes time and patience for these things to work. I’d hurt her badly and I had no right to think that I deserved a second chance. However she’s as honest and forgiving as anyone I know – like I said, she’s incredibly special. She’s admitted to me that in her heart somewhere she knows she wants to be back with me but her head is too scared to face that reality.

It’s normal for her to feel scared having been told it was over but then months later be told that actually that was a mistake. However, I won’t hurt her. I couldn’t hurt her again and she has to believe in me. I felt scared merely admitting how I felt to myself but figured I had to do this. It scares me to admit this but it’s not just these next few weeks and months I’m hoping to change, but given how good what we had was, I want to change my life by doingthis.

Luckily we’ve spent some time together lately and unsurprisingly we still get on so well, there’s obvious chemistry. I just need her now to look into her heart and let herself realise her true feelings like I have – I even burst out crying in front of her recently as I tried to explain to her what she means to me. She knows I’m not joking and she can see how important she is in my life. It took me months to realise I had made a mistake; I hope she realises that we’re right for each before months have further elapsed.

Right now I must be patient and let this takes as long as it takes. I can’t begin to explain how hard that is though. Men are impatient, we want instant answers so this is arguably my hardest test. She’s single and whilst it hurts me to think that she may go out and fool around with other guys whilst telling me that I still mean something to her, she’s entitled to do that. However if she wants this to work one would hope that she wouldn’t be with random men anymore – I can’t ask that of her but she can only do that for herself. It won’t work if she continues as a fully-fledged single lady. Everyone has desires and needs – myself included, but my physical urges have been and still are on hold, I’m waiting for her. I hope that soon she will want me again and not Mr Random.

Your readers must understand how much she means to me and just how good we were together. It’s so rare in life you meet someone special and it’s all too easy to suggest that one should never go back on the past however this is different. This is about love not two young people wanting just simply to fool around. Given that men are strong and emotionless, how often could a guy admit to crying in front of a girl because he’s so overwhelmed by the emotions that she evokes?

My request is simple, that she’s honest with herself and allows herself to relax and be loved again (providing she wants that). If she’s not honest with herself she’ll always be scared and we’ll never know what could have been. I believe that she would one day soon like to be back with me but I fear she’ll not let herself be loved again. Everyone likes to be loved, neither she nor I are any different. Not that long ago we used to regularly tell each other how much we loved one another – those strong feelings do not just disappear. I hope that in a year we’ll be able to look back at this and laugh – it’s one of those key moments in life where you know you’re making a decision now that can positively influence your entire future.

Life’s all about risks and gambles. I’ve put myself in a position where I could easily be hurt but because I know that there’s a chance things will work out perfectly it’s worth that risk. I hope she can take these same risks and gambles I have. One kiss may tell her everything she needs to know – those feelings of old may just need to be coaxed out with that most simple of moments when two foreign lips meet. She once loved me and I believe she still does. Despite it still being the early days, it’s timefor her to be brave and overcome her fears – the sooner she can do that, the sooner that my pain and anxiety will be distinguished and the sooner she’ll be loved again and back in the most amazing of relationships.

So, Little Miss Vak, what would you and your readers do or what advice would they give to me or her? It’s no surprise that people who know us have said that we’re meant to be together, that we’re perfect for each other. In the grand scheme of life we’ve had a minor blip and we’ll be stronger as a couple for this; after all, no couple go through life without having to cross a hurdle. I’ve learnt my lessons and will never let her go again, no chance.

Time and patience are the key factors here but in the short-term I hope she can loosen up, take a (100% safe) gamble on me and be true to her heart. If she can’t do that then this may not work and if this isn’t going to work I need to know sooner rather than later as forgiving myself for my errors in the past won’t be easy.

Remember, not all men are bad. Not all guys want to simply get into a woman’s pants – there are some of us who have feelings and emotions, one of which is the ability to love someone else. I am big enough to admit my errors and importantly I’m trying to correct them – it is never too late. We can’t change the past, so it’s time for me and her to write our new, better future, the one I know we both want.

From,

An anonymous lovesick man.

20 comments:

  1. You finished with her for a reason? Generally with a male that is because you got bored and wanted a change. You split up and realised that even though you didn't want her and spent a long time together she is still, in your eyes, yours. So the thought of her going out getting with randoms brings all those old feeling back. One thing I have found is that things will rarely go back to the honeymoon period and sometimes it just best to move on. But I am a cynical hate loving asshole anyway so dont take my advice. Get her back and in 6 months things will go stale again. Whatever you do good luck - If it is meant to be then it will!

    ReplyDelete
  2. wow thats powerful and honest. first thing is it wud be nice to hear her point of view but presumin everything hes said is real then she'd be silly not to get back with him. we dont just fall out of love so shes bound to still love him. i agree with him that she has to now be honest and i think she shud take a risk. give him wat he wants, an honest apologetic man is one in a million. wud luv a follow up story to this

    ReplyDelete
  3. Saw this RTd on Twitter so had a read. Feel for the guy, I wouldn't have the balls to do that if that were me.

    Not sure the first commenter has really read this piece, cynicism has a place and I somehow doubt this is it. Couples break up and get back together all the time, this wouldn't be any different. Only when reading that comment, I realsied that the guy never said how long they were together for in the first place so the 'honeymoon period' assumption doesn't work.

    Good luck, I hope she takes you back, I side very much with that second comment. Old romance is still alive, sadly the internet breeds people like that first comment who want to put a negative spin on everything. I hope she gets to read this.

    ReplyDelete
  4. New to your blog. Three men read it having seen it on Twitter and were immediately drawn to the first comment.

    We all sympathise with the bloke and admire him. Obviously we wish him the best and hope things work out, seems a good guy.

    Here are a few things that we thought having read that first comment though:

    - That person surely couldn't have read the blog and then leave that comment, baffling to say the least
    - Those who 'choose' not to believe this guy have probably never met a decent bloke (or lady) and are just jealous themselves
    - Why is he or she thinking the worst of this guy? He or she seems to be of the opinion that all men are pricks which is such an awful stereotype
    - Individual men and women do stupid things but that's hardly enough to make a whole gender assumption
    - Can only presume that person is single, has never found love and hates everyone or potentially knows and is jealous of the individuals involved here
    - Plenty of people break up and get back together, no relationship is ever perfect so big kudos for this guy for trying to fix it

    Good luck, three men of Twitter are rooting for you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I hate the pomposity of the opinion that all men are pricks. What? All women are saints? Individual men do stupid things, but so do individual women. Hardly enough to make assumptions on the whole gender.

    Anyway, thanks for getting this out there. Glad there are those amongst us willing to right their wrongs. All the best.

    If it goes stale like the first commenter so tactlessly seems to think it will, then bad luck, at least you can say you have no doubts. Better to find out than wonder for the rest of your life.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Let's hope she doesn't make the same mistake he did. Get him back now before it's too late

    ReplyDelete
  7. Pretty much the same thing happened to me. I took him back and nearly two years later we haven't looked back. Time apart made us stronger and we love each other more than ever before. We rarely talk about what happened but do just consider it as an obstacle we had to overcome. Main difference is we were apart for a bit longer, 7 months, but despite wanting to believe I'd moved on, I never truly had. Having him back felt right. Hope that helps xx

    ReplyDelete
  8. Guys are dicks. Should come with a warning. But this one seems alright. If you see him in your heart then he's right for you and you must make sure not to lose him as much as he must make sure not to lose you.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Jeez woman are you nuts?! Take him back already. That's the most amazing thing I've read in ages.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Saw the title, started reading and thought I'd already made up my mind. Same old men.

    Might just be words and maybe this guy does it for a living but you can tell it's from the heart and having finished it my opinion is totally different now.

    It's good you've told her to her face what she means to you but the fact that you're happy for random people to read it means this is no wind up.

    Hard to know what to suggest to either of you but I think you mustn't give up hope and I think she must realise how lucky she is. If I were her and I still loved you even a tiny amount I would certainly gamble and I'd give you that kiss. It's so true that a kiss can tell you everything, had never even realised that before.

    Well written, you've got my backing. Agree with an earlier person, a follow up would be lovely so we can all read about your happy ending.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Mother, wife and daughter4 July 2011 at 15:26

    The advice I give my daughter is to look into her heart. Best advice to you both is exactly that. If you used to believe you were right for each other and you used to tell each other how much you loved one-another then you did it for a reason. Random pairings of men and women don't do that. The few months you've been apart will seem like nothing if you have a lifetime of happiness and joy together. Follow your hearts and there will be the answers.

    ReplyDelete
  12. All these comments are great but it's only one side of the story. However if he can feel so strongly about her it would be a shock to hear she doesn't feel similarly about him. My advice would be to give him a second chance and put the past behind you. Only that way will you find out if you're meant to be. There's no way you can know if you don't try.

    Fears and scares are for the insecure. You must both wipe them from your minds. It's nice to hear this is more than just sex however I do think you've overlooked the importance of the physical side of a relationship. It's all very well and mature to play it down but there's nothing better than being satisfied by someone who you care about. Therefore my second piece of advice is to engage in physical contact and see what it does to you.

    Finally, no thinking this over and over will solve the issue. Actions will speak louder than words for her in particular. I think it's important she lets you know where you stand and does something to show you she's willing to pick up where you left off.

    Enjoy and always use protection x

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm pretty sure I know the guy and girl so wish to remain anonymous.

    I know how much he means to her, I remember when they were together and I'd never seen her so happy before. Likewise, he had a near permanent smile (unless his football team didn't win!).

    You two are meant to be together, it's obvious to those around you. The next few weeks will prove that. Spend more time together and don't be afraid to be emotional or intimate.

    Good luck, hope to see you both hand in hand again soon. It's what is right, simples!

    ReplyDelete
  14. It would be interesting to know what this bit really meant "but I let one tiny tiny thing get to me". Is he in love or is he infatuated with her. Maybe she has moved on and he can't. Was it jealousy because he sounds jealous of her having a relationship with anyone else but him. She sounds as if she has got over the split and is re-building her life. Maybe he needs to do the same.

    He needs to move on and maybe she will then see that he is not the soppy lovelorn guy and is independant, secure and in control of his life and himself. Women want what they can't have. Let her find him for the right reasons.

    ReplyDelete
  15. @anonymous 17.08

    Thanks for your comment. The one tiny tiny thing was something she said to me. Firstly she should have worded it different and secondly I shouldn't have let it get to me but I did and that was a mistake.

    As noted in the piece I'm aware she has had to try to move on but also she's confided in me that I still mean something to her and that all is not lost.

    Am I jealous if she's with someone else? Of course, that's just human nature right?!

    I find it hard to work out how you can come to the conclusion that she is re-building her life when her side of the story hasn't been told (arguably a key factor pointed out in a few of the comments). I can't tell you exactly how she feels but can only go with what she's told me. She's either lying to me for fear of hurting me or she's telling me the truth that I do still mean a lot to her. Knowing her as I do, I'd say it's the latter of those two.

    As pointed out in the piece I did try and move on but I realised I had made a mistake. It's harsh that you could try and paint a picture of me not being what I say I am. Men (and women) make errors but few admit them and few try to rectify them. Fortunately she's forgiving and right now she's in my life again as a friend; we're trying to see each other socially and see where that leas to.

    "Women want what they can't have" is such a generalisation and cliche. Why can't she want what she can have? There are no hidden agendas here, I'm asking to be forgiven and I have been. I've asked to be accepted back into her life and I have been. I'm now asking that if she really feels something for me (something she's said she does), that she realises that and puts anything that is scaring her to one side and give me a chance again. She won't know if things will work if she doesn't.

    Only she and I truly know just how special what we had was. It's down to her if she wants that again. This need be only a minor hurdle, all relationships have stumbling blocks but we're both big enough and strong enough to get over this one.

    Only once you've had that feeling of loving someone can you relate truly to this post. I made a mistake and I'm trying to change it. I've put my balls on the line here and put myself in a position where I can get hurt. If you think I'm just playing around you couldn't be more wrong. She knows I'm serious and fortunately that's what matters.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thanks for all the comments so far. It's nice that a lot of people can understand where I'm coming from.

    It's hard to admit an error to yourself let alone others; it's harder to apologise and even harder still to try and fix it. I believe it is never too late especially when love is involved.

    If anyone has any questions or queries please ask.

    Little Miss Vak knows my identity and can vouch for the seriousness of the piece if anyone thinks it's a wind-up

    ReplyDelete
  17. Think these comments need a dose of reality. In theory it's all well to say go for it or she should take him back but we don't know anything more than is written here.

    You seen like a good guy so try and relax and be yourself. You describe her as an equally wonderful person and so if she is she'll accept you back over time.

    Just play it cool for now and accept that she may want to be with other people, she'll have needs and desires. That doesn't mean she doesn't love you any less though. She'll know when the time to come to you rather than them is right. If you believe in yourself she'll believe in you and hopefully you won't have to wait long.

    People got to stop second-guessing the situation. It's probably all in your head that she's seeing other people right now. Would you be surprised to learn say that she's now only thinking of you but just needs the courage? Sounds like you've planted a seed in her head, let it grow. That won't be instantaneously.

    As others have said, best of luck but chill out and don't expect something to happen tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Initial reaction was that this was a bit desperate. Wouldn't want this written about me but it feels very real. People make mistakes and couples do get back together. You'll just have to have patience, you know what you want now you have to wait and see if she wants the same thing. If what you had was so great then you may be in luck. You're never too late but don't force her, she'll come to her decision herself. Women love feeling loved especially by guys we like. If she still has even tiny feelings for you then she'll come back - it's just how we work, I can't explain why

    ReplyDelete
  19. @The Author

    Why are do you even mention other guys? If she's told you lots of nice things and she's told you what you mean to her and if she's going to give things a chance to work out then she won't hurt you.

    If she is telling you these things though and enjoying the luxuries that come with being a single lady then that seems unfair on you and unfair on herself. If you give someone a chance you have to fully commit to it and well if she isn't doing that then I feel for you as she's not even letting herself try to experience loving you again.

    It's complicated though. You're right, technically she is single and that enables her to do anything but once she tells you "that I still mean something to her" then it does change the situation in my opinion. You only tell someone you like them in a deep meaningful way if you want them and only them - maybe you should remember that and trust her.

    So back to my question, why do you bother my mentioning that she's single and that scares you? If she's told you she feels a certain way then do you not believe her?

    ReplyDelete
  20. I had fun reading the post and the comments as well. It's really good to know that people are discussing these kinds of things nowadays. Continue the good vibes. :D

    ReplyDelete