When Sex Goes Wrong..

Hey dolls,

Sorry it has been a while since I last blogged but lets just hope it was worth the wait!

After talking with some friends about sex (obviously something I talk about a bit too often) and things that can go wrong, we started to have a real laugh at the stories that were coming up. You know, when cum goes in your eye and you think you are blinded or someone walks in on you etc.

I will start with myself.. Let me just add that this is a story that not many people know as I have always been completely embarassed by this and the thought of it still takes me back to the shock.. anyway..
A few years back I was seeing this guy and it was all going great. One day I was at his and he was going down on me. From the minute he started, I knew I was going to have to fake it and actually think of something to get me wet (I think at the time it was Channing Tatum dancing naked) as his tongue was not doing it for me. The boy had no clue what he was doing. Ten minutes in and me getting bored by his obscure ways of licking a vagina, he could tell I was getting restless, so he started going for it. Next thing I remember was screaming and kicking him in the face. He fell off the bed, I was in agony. I put my hand down to my vagina which was throbbing and not in a nice 'Jacob from Twilight is naked' kind of way. He had bitten my vajayjay. I was bleeding. Boy bit me!! I got dressed, left and refused to ever speak to him again. He obviously was very apologetic. I told him to do one.

Awful I know. Another embarassing time for me was in Spain a few years back. I had gone out with my cousin and a bunch of her friends and we got really drunk and ended up in a kareoke bar where I was actually being stalked by a midget. (I have pictures to prove this!) Anyway, I ended up getting with one of my cousins friends and ended up back at his. Or his Grandma's! After a bit of fun and frolicks I decided it was time for me to go. However, he did not want me to turn on the light as we might wake
up his grandma (don't worry, she was not in the same room) so I could not find my top. So in the end, he gave me one of his shirts. Spot the skank whore. Walking through the port at about 4am when the last few drunks were still out, wearing my denim skirt and this oversized shirt that you could see my bra through. He walked me back to my cousins appartment and as I walked in, my cousin just looked
at me and laughed.

Ok, enough about me.
Meet my friend *Joe. Joe had been with his girlfriend for some time and decided the bed was boring and wanted to try having sex elsewhere. So Joe lifted his girlfriend up onto a set of drawers he had in his room and they started having sex.
A few minutes in, there was a weird noise but neither gave it too much attention as things were getting steamy.Now, they wish they would have paid attention. The drawers gave in and Joe's girlfriend fell, penis still inside her. The drawers could not take her weight and they broke. As did his cock. 999 - AMBULANCE! Joe was rushed to hospital with a snapped penis. He had to have his foreskin cut off and have the muscles in his penis stitched back together. It took three months to heal and he could not have sex or even masturbate for all that time.
SHAME!

My friend *Brad is a massive flirt and funny guy. A few years ago he went travelling with two of his boy friends. When in Figi, Brad met a cute petite girl at a party who he knew he wanted to have his way with. As the party was coming to a close, Brad hinted to the girl that they should go down to the beach. She was more than happy to join him. Straight away they started to get it on. She kept hearing noises and telling Brad but he told her to ignore them. Brad knew full well what the noises were. BUGS. He was so drunk and wanted a shag he didn't care. They had sex and as he pulled his cock out, he saw a bug crawl into her vagina. Brad screamed and ran off. He does not know what happened to the girl.

Meet *Sandy. A girl who cracks me up with every story she tells. She met a guy called *Jonny through some friends and took quite a liking to him. They started meeting up and after some time were seeing eachother quite often. They would go out and kiss and hold hands, all very cute. One night Sandy decided to cook for Jonny and make things romantic. They had a great dinner, drank some wine and moved on to the bedroom. They started kissing and clothes started flying accross the room and onto the bed they went. Sandy was very excited to finally have sex with Jonny. She really liked him and knew it was going to be great. How wrong she was. Jonny started to make very weird noises and started screaming whilst having an orgasm. Sandy lay there shocked. Jonny was shaking and making noises like a little girl. He then came. He then collapsed onto Sandy and then sat up again. She looked at him and burst out laughing. Her exact words to him were, "Are you serious???!!" Put it this way, she ended things with him the next day! HAHA!

Let me introduce you to *Tony. Tony is a guy I have known for a few years, and let me tell you, is gorgeous. All the girls want a piece! One night, a week after Tony had an operation on his arm he went to the pub with some friends.
A few days later, a girl he knows phones him up and said a girl she was with at the pub the other day fancied him and would probably sleep with him. Tony was not really phased but let the girl give her friend his number. An hour or so later, Tony gets a call from a random number and it happens to be the girl from the pub, *Tanya. They chat for a bit and Tanya asks Tony if he was free to get a drink later that night. So later that night, Tony went to pick up Tanya and they went for a drink. She had already been drinking and was already pretty wasted. OVer a drink, she starts
getting cheeky and asks Tony what the naughtiest thing he ever did was. Tony comes back with usual men answers, "had a threesome" or "slept with my French teacher in school." Tanya then asks him if he is going to fuck her and they soon get in his car. Tanya then tells him she does not want to go back to her flat but rather go to her parents house. Tony knew this was a bit odd but he went along with it. As they arrive to the house, she tells him to wait so she can turn of the CCTV cameras. This was the first moment Tony should have driven away. In they go and she tells him to wait on the bed whilst she changes. She comes back in sexy lingerie and tells him to lie on the bed so she can massage him. Out comes the lotion and she starts massaging him, down his legs, up his back, around his balls then WHAM BAM THANK YOU MAAM up goes her finger in his ass! He was in shock, pushed her off with his one good arm and turned around to have sex. The whole time, she had told Tony to keep his voice down as her parents were next door and next thing you know it, he is shagging her brains out and she is screaming and all of a sudden, a voice from next door goes "shh!" They both cum and Tony gets dressed. Tanya then starts saying she wants to go again but Tony says he needs to leave. She blocks the door and tells him he cannot leave as her husband is asleep next door, not her parents. He said he needs to leave to take pills for his arm and Tanya starts laughing saying she should have taken her pills. Tony asked what pills she takes. Her reply, "the doctor gives me pills as my sex drive is too high. I can finger myself up to 6 times a day. I love sex. Fuck me again?"
Tony pushes her out the way and dashes to his car. He phones his cousin to tell her of his mad night to which his cousin laughes hysterically. He knew of this Tanya and informed Tony how she had been in a mental home a few years back and is a sex addict.


I hope these stories have kept you all entertained and if you have any stories of your own you would like to share please comment here or tweet me @LittleMissVak or email blogdoll21@gmail.com and keep updated on my facebook page http://www.facebook.com/LMissV

Lotsa Love..

Little Miss V..xx

It's a Gig life for me...

Hey dolls,

Hope you are all good. Thought I would take a brief step away from my usual blogs (don't worry, you'll get the naughtiness back soon) and write about my recent outings to some gigs!

So lets start with last Thursday where I went with my good friend Dominique to the Jack Savoretti gig at the Garage in Highbury/Islington. I have loved Jack's music since I was introduced to it by my friend Scott a few years ago. Since then, I have been a big fan. The gig started at 7pm and we arrived at about 8.30pm where we were just in time for the second supporting act called "We were Evergreen."
Now let me just tell you, when I see a band with a xylophone I get a bit worried but on came this Parisian trio and completely wowed me. With their Indie/pop/folk style, the crowd became really hyped up. They had some really good songs including Vintage Car and Penguins & Moonboats. I was not impressed with the song about Eggs!

They finish and on comes Jack Savoretti and his band. A woman standing in front of me and Dom was jumping and screaming. She must have been in her mid 40's but only now was living her failed life as a groupie. She is clearly his number one fan. She kept dancing to the songs which to be honest, are pretty hard to dance to, a simple bop or shake will suffice. When the slower songs came on, she put her hands together as if she was praying and would close her eyes. I hope she knows she was at a gig and not in church. Her friend also cried at one of the slower songs. Is it mean that Dom and I laughed? Well, come on. Two ladies in their 40s getting overly excited about a singer and crying? I can't even say grow up!
I was suprised to see a double bass up on stage (as it is rare) but Tom (dude on the double bass) rocked it! If any of you have ever seen a picture or watched a video of Jack, you will know he is very good looking. Seeing him up on stage with his guitar and singing live brought a whole new love to my life. I will keep this blog PG. Anyway, after a few new songs, Jack sang "Dreamers" which is my ultimate favourite. I took a lot of pictures and videos (which are all on my facebook for those of you who have me). When the show finished, Dom and I waited around as Jack's manager Danielle was going to introduce us to Jack. So ten minutes after he has come off stage, he comes into the hall and Danielle brings him over to me and Dom and gives us a personal introduction. My knees went to jello! I had a picture taken with Jack and honestly, I felt like a kid. I have met a lot of celebrities in my time and do not get star struck (unless they are really big) and Jack is not a celebrity, but just the fact he sings like an angel, plays the guitar like a rock star and is beyond hot got me worke up. Once again, keeping this PG.

Saturday arrives and out I pop from the shower at about 6pm when I get a phone call from my good friend Ben. "Have you got plans tonight LaLa?"
"Umm yes Ben, why?"
"Well I have two tickets for the Ed Sheeran gig tonight, do you want to go?"
"OK!"

I love me a bit of spontaneity. So my plans got changed and 45 minutes later, Ben was outside my house in a cab to pick me up. Now, as a woman, it takes me at least over an hour to get ready for a night out. I was given 45 mins!! So out I went to the cab with a face half done with make up and a packed dinner from mummy as I had not eaten since breakfast. Bless her. To those of you who know my mother, you know she is a feeder. Even if you are not hungry and in my house, you will be given food. So on route to the gig and Ben and I already start having a giggle about a few funny stories. I finish my packed dinner, finish my make up and we arrive at the venue. Before we went into the show, we go to meet our friends Pippa and Chloe at a pub down the road where the drinking begins. How my mother is a feeder, Ben is like that with alcohol. He will get the drinks in and make sure you get legless. Good ol Benny boy! We finish our drinks and the four of us head over to the HMV forum in Kentish town for the Ed Sheeran gig. Or Ed SheeRAN (sounds like Duran) as Ben would say. He got corrected many a time over the night.
So in we head through the crowd and make our way to a nice spacious spot where we can see the stage. As we arrive, Emeli Sande was performing. Wow she is amazing live. She sang a few ballads and then sang her new song "Heaven" which was awesome.
On came Ed and everyone started screaming. Who knew a 21 year old ginger boy could be so popular! To be fair, half the venue were about his age and probably his high school buds.
So there we are enjoying his music and having a dance when all of a sudden, a girl who Pippa referred to as a 'witch' screamed out loud "Can you not touch my bum you are disgusting" to a few boys standing behind her. These boys became our besties of the night. I did not think it was them who pinched her bum but the Peter Griffin look alike that PVP had a crush on who by the way knew every word to every song Ed sang!
So we continue to enjoy the music and our alcohol and dancing when an oldish man standing near Ben starts having a go at him for dancing. Sorry, I did not know that it was illegal to dance at a gig. So there they are having a domestic when Witch Bitch gets involved and shouts, again, telling them both to shut up. This was very funny yet I did give her my dagger eyes and she did not look in my direction again. I came to the conclusion of why this girl was very angry in life..
1) She was on her period
2) She had not been laid for 6 months or more so was a bit aggy
3) Ed Sheeran would not touch her with a barge pole.
I reckon 1 and 2.

So then the two boys who originally pinched Witch Bitches bum became our mates and were dancing and singing with us. They were very camera happy and I would love to see the videos they took of us, especially one of Pippa and I dancing. Oh, and of course Ben made sure they took a pic of my cleavage. Great. Two turnips from Milton Keyenes have probably got my tits as their profile picture on Facebook. Good times.

Ed Sheeran was actually amazing live. Pixie Lott and Example even turned up to do songs with him which was also pretty awesome. Big thank you to Ben for taking me :)

After the gig, the 4 of us headed into Camden. Well after walking down Kentish Town for 15 mins and me complaining that my nipples were about to cut glass, we jumped into a cab to Bar Solo where some of my friends were partying. Amen for Bar solo. My favourite club. If you like Old school jams, a bit of garage and randomness mixed with Beanie Man, Cameo and new tracks, you need to head there. I can not remember one time I have not had fun there. So the drinking continued, as did the dancing and a great night was had by all!

I have now decided that I need to go to as many gigs as possible as it is so much fun. I love live music. Sorry Pippa, Sideshow Bob (I mean Seasick Steve) will not be one I attend!

Have a great week people..

Little Miss V..x

(Picture 1 -Ed Sheeran and Pixie Lott
Picture 2 - Jack Savoretti
Picture 3 - Jack SAvoretti and I
Picture 4 - Ben, Pippa and I)

DLS.. Dirty Little Secret

"I like you, but you know we have to keep this our little secret right?"

How many of you have heard that one before? I for sure have. I have been a secret. I had a secret. It was fun while it lasted but you know it will never be anything more than just the secret. The secret itself is what makes the relationship exciting. The actual relationship or what you are doing within it, may it be emotional or physical is not the exciting thing. The fact nobody knows is what keeps it fun.

So you would think secret romantic relationships are hot, right? Movies and television dramas are full of them, you hear about them and they almost always seem intense.

When you think of secret romances, you would think they are fun and exciting. You automatically imagine late night meetings in a hotel or a car park where the potential for being caught enhances the romantic experience. For some however, a realistic portrait of romantic relationships reveals that maintaining the secrecy is more frustrating than fun.

So, I asked some friends about their experiences and what happened...

Emily's story:
Emily's sister Natasha was dating a guy called Dean. She would only ever see Dean at weekends though as she was at boarding school. Emily met Dean one weekend at their house and instantly took a liking to him. He took to her as well and when Natasha went back to boarding school, they took to each other like rabbits. They kept it a secret for years and to this day, Natasha does not know. Emily did not feel as bad as she would have, as Natasha had told her she was dating someone at boarding school and only kept Dean there for fun at the weekends when she was home.
Emily's fun with Dean sadly ended when Natasha moved back home from boarding school and Dean ended both relationships. Emily said it was the most secretive fun you could ever have!

Darryl's story:
Darryl is a 29 year old estate agent and married man. After meeting his wife Linzee at school he knew she was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Losing his virginity to her at 16, he needed no more. Until one day in married life, Darryl felt he was missing out on life and felt he had not experienced enough in life. Darryl signed up to a dating site where he was listed as single and "only up for a good time." Needless to say, gorgeous Darryl was flooded with messages and met up with Harley. Harley became the DLS that Darryl longed for. He would lie to Linzee by telling her he had late viewings yet instead, invite Harley to a propertly he was letting out. After a secret two year relationship with Harley, Linzee became pregnant and Darryl was forced to end his secret affair. To this day, Linzee does not know what her hubby got up to.

Carlos's story:
Carlos was working in a restaurant as a waiter. One day, in walked Francesca. A pretty little thing who caught Carlos' eye immediately. She had come in to give her CV for a job going. Carlos took the CV and her number from it and called her up. Even though he had a girlfriend, he had a passion inside of him to get to know Francesca. She was very flattered but made Carlos aware that she had a boyfriend. Even though her boyfriend was in prison, she could not be unfaithful. A few weeks later, Carlos recieved a message from Francesca telling him to meet her at her place. He did not think about his girlfriend and without hesitation, went round. According to Carlos, it was the best sex he had ever experienced. Carlos is the kind of guy who loves when a woman gives into him and he can get his way with her. Francesca was giving Carlos the best sex of his life and he started to fall for her. Three months after their affair started, Francesca got a phone call that her boyfriend was being released from prison. She told Carlos to delete her number and never make contact again, leaving Carlos in shreds.

It seems to me that most secret relationships end badly or with upset, so why is this topic the backbone of so many books and movies we see each year? Maybe its more about the escape than the actual love. Take Romeo and Juliet for example. They had a secret love. They couldn't tell anybody because their families were at war. What happened to them? They both killed themselves!

My personal advice on this topic would be to not let yourself fully in. Do not accept the relationship as something serious. It is fun. It is a period in your life that is boring that you are making exciting. If it starts a secret, it will always only be a secret. So have fun, don't fall, don't let all your emotions in and make sure nobody finds out ;-)

I would just like to add, the stories included here are all true but names have been changed to protect the identities of the story tellers :)


Little Miss V..xx

Chat Up Lines!

A friend of mine was just messaging me about a footballer she met on Tuesday night at a fashion week after party and the lines he used on her. He walked across the club to her and said.. "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" She looked at him, laughed and replied, "No, but it might hurt when I kick your balls!"

I am in stiches! He is a known footballer, earns more money a week than most of us do in a year (or two), can get any slore he wants for a quick romp, yet he is still using chat up lines! Quality.

So here I am thinking about the kind of chat up lines I have heard in the past. You know, when you are at a club/bar with your girls and a guy comes over and says, "Sorry I can't talk to you any more, the doctor told me I'm diabetic and I cant handle sweet things like you."
Personally, to me, even if it was the sweetest comment ever, I think I would still laugh. Why do guys feel the need to use chat up lines? Why can't you just be yourself?

If you want to talk to a girl in a club, go over to her and say "Hey, I noticed you and think you are really pretty and would like to get to know you." Simple. Honest. Truthful. No bullshit! That is what I would like. Unfortunately, the kind of chat up lines I get are, "If you were a burger you'd be McGorgeous." Or "I was just curious, Are you as good in bed as that guy says you are?" Delightful.

So I have come up with some comebacks for the chat up lines that I have heard.. Ladies, if you get any of these, please use the comebacks and let me know what happens!

Q. "Do you come here often?"
A. Not any more

Q. "Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day."
A. Im knackered, so you start doing the running and run along.

Q. "What's your sign?"
A. (Stick your middle finger up)

Q. "Do you have a map? I just keep getting lost in those eyes."
A. If my eyes are telling you to get lost, you should take the hint.

Q. "I'd love to see how you look when I'm naked."
A. Well, if your penis as is small as your hands and feet, you'll see the back of me walking out the door.


I am giggling so much from writing these. Would love to see if any of the guys reading have any chat up lines and if yes what are they and have they worked? Girls, what is the funniest or cheesiest or worst chat up line you have ever heard?

Please leave comments below or email me: blogdoll21@gmail.com or tweet me @LittleMissVak and please "like" my facebook page http://www.facebook.com/pages/Little-Miss-V/251741761508428

Little Miss V..xx

Sexting!

According to Wikipedia, “Sexting” is, “The Act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones."

A recent survey conducted revealed that 36% of women are sending or posting nude images of ourselves to guys. 72% send them to be 'fun or flirtatious', and 59% will send snaps as a sexy present for their boyfriend. For a lot of us, sexting can help keep the relationship going, especially when it is long distance and you aren’t able to see each other as often as you would like to.

There is something strangely anonymous about the internet and even mobile phones, not when you are speaking, but when the communication takes place through a keyboard. It is very easy to type something reckless…crazy…risqué…yes you see the words, but most of us feel less of a commitment emotionally to the written word. Many men can write the words “I love you” in a valentine’s card or in a text message, but actually saying those three little words out loud, no chance!! In much the same way, writing down what you would like to do sexually is a lot easier than saying it. I mean, whilst in the bedroon, could you actually say out loud the things you told this partner you would do to them over instant chat?

Now days, it seems to be all over the media where a celebs phone has been stolen and naked photos have been found. This happened to Rihanna, Vanessa Hudgens, Blake Lively, Amber Rose and that is just a few to name. Some would say it was a publicity stunt, some will say they had the pictures on their phones to send to partners. So how do we know this will not happen to us? How do you know, the person you are sending a picture of yourself in your bra and panties, is not going to show all of their friends?

Personally, I see "sexting" as a harmelss bit of fun. Girls, if you want to message a guy naughty words and tell him all the things you want to do to him, DO IT! Boys, if you want to send a picture of your jolly rancher to a girl, DO IT! If you are going to say things, live up to it. No point being all mouth. (Well, depends where your mouth is going to be!)
A piece of advice, do not go showing all of your friends, because it can easily slip out and thats when trouble starts. A friend of mine had pictures of this guys package on her phone. They then had a big fight and she threatened to get the picture printed and put up in shops in his local area. Could you image the horror? (I saw the picture and his whole piece was a horror in itself already) but walking past your local cafe and seeing that in the window!

Keep sexting relevant and to the point.
Keep it for youself! It is not meant for anyone elses eyes but yours!
Have fun!
Do not sext with someone you do not know and have met on the internet. They say they are a 28 year old man from Manchester, when really it is a 79 year old granddpa of 7 from Uzbekistan!
Be safe!

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.. Comment below or email me at blogdoll21@gmail.com or tweet me @LittleMissVak.
Also, please "like" my facebook page. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Little-Miss-V/251741761508428

Lotsa Love..

Little Miss V..xx

Toast To Your Girls!

I just finished watching a video from a lecture class at Stanford University. The lecture was on the mind-body connection - the relationship between stress and disease. The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman, whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends.

At first everyone laughed, but he was serious.

Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality “girlfriend time" helps us to create more serotonin - a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. They rarely sit down with a buddy and talk about how they feel about certain things or how their personal lives are going. Jobs? Yes. Sports? Yes. Cars? Yes. Fishing, football, golf? Yes. But their feelings? Rarely.

Women do it all of the time. We share from our souls with our sisters/mothers/best friends, and evidently that is very good for our health. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym.

There's a tendency to think that when we are "exercising" we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged, this however is not true. In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking!

So every time you hang out to schmooze with a gal pal, just pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for doing something good for your health! We are indeed very, very lucky. So, let's toast to our friendship with our girlfriends. Evidently it's very good for our health. :)

I Predict A Riot...

Sitting at my office desk near a dual carriageway in North West London, I see out the window four police swat cars drive by. I am wondering which area they are heading to.

Looking at the picture above, you would think people are running away from a bomb or terrorist attack, this is hardly the case.

Mark Duggan shot a bullet from his gun at a policeman last week in Tottenham. The policeman then shot back, and killed Mark, a father of four and a known drug dealer. This was the beginning of a lit spark, to fuel riots.

For the last three days, but with the worst yesterday, we have seen a new low of British people. Buildings are being set on fire, cars being vandalized and shops being looted. Nobody actually knows a reason as to why this is happening. I understand it started with people in Tottenham mad at the police for shooting and killing someone, but how did one shooting fuel so much anger in people that they felt it necessary to do the damage to our city that is being done now?

In broad daylight, people are being mugged. One injured boy thought he was being helped by a gang who then robbed him of his belongings from his backpack. A police man was seriously injured when a brick was thrown at him. This is just ludacris behaviour of yobs who simply have nothing better to do with their time.

It has got so serious now and spread throughout the country. Something so small that started in Tottenham has now spread to Ealing, Croydon, Hackney, Peckham, Ealing, Camden Town, Notting Hill and even moved up North to Birmingham, Liverpool and Leeds.

From images you are seeing on the news, you would think that there is a war, or people are running from terrorist threats, when in fact, it is mindless Brits terrorising their own towns and communities. Kids as young as 13 are joining in and you wonder where there parents are!

On Friday, I am flying to Israel. A country who has had numerous amounts of protests and demonstrations over the last month. Not one person walked away harmed. The Israeli's said their piece and left in peace. They are a country who live with wars and terrorist attacks. Why are they able to still be strong? The reason is because they have an army. Where is our army? Oh yes, PROTECTING us by fighting on the front line in Afghanistan. Our soldiers bravely leave their families to fight for our country, to stop terrorist attacks and what for? For the youth of today to ruin it all. They do not know why they are fighting now. They just want a fight and to steal free gear! Give these youths a gun and tell them to stand on the front line at a war zone, then let them think they are big men!

I truly feel sorry for the police. Working so hard to protect the streets and losing. All they have is shields. What about water cannons or rubber bullets? Shoot the youths doing the damage. Our country is being weak and they need to step up and be strong and fight for the rights of the rest of us!!

I would love to hear what you all think.. please leave comments!!

Little Miss V..xx