Saturday, 8 September 2012

Spit or Swallow?!

There I was, lying by the pool with my friend, relaxing on my vacation to Spain last week. She was telling me about what she had been up to the night before with a sexy Spaniard named Roberto. She met him whilst at a bar. One moment they are talking, the next they are fucking. She told me that whilst it started great, it didn’t end as well as hoped.

Whilst giving him a blow job he yanked her head pushing it lower onto his cock, making the sensation for him amazing yet making it uncomfortable for her. Unfortunately my friend has an AWFUL gag reflex and as he did this she gagged, sat up and told him she didn’t like what he was doing. Fair enough he thought. However, she continued to nosh and he pushed her head again and WHAM BAM THANK YOU MAM he spunked in her mouth. Unfortunate moment number two. Instead of swallowing or casually spitting it out, she vomited all over him. A lovely mixture of her pasta arabiata lunch and semen. Afternoon delight. Not! 

Of course, I found this officially one of the funniest stories that I have maybe ever heard, she on the other hand had never been so embarrassed. I then started thinking about the whole “Spit or Swallow” thing and we got deep into conversation about it.

The average volume of each ejaculation is between one teaspoon and one tablespoon. That's about 300 million wriggly little sperm dudes at once. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, not the jizz.

I will be completely honest and admit that I am not a swallower. Firstly, Dr Dukan would not appreciate the intake of calories going into my system but secondly I find the warm, thick, sticky tadpole swimming down my throat thing a bit much, plus sperm burps are not the one! I also have found that guys taste different, and it is true when they say a man’s sperm will taste like whatever he has eaten. Clearly the few that I let have tadpole sleepovers in my mouth were eating dog food or curry! 

If like me you are not keen on swallowing then porn star it out. I have been lucky to have guys that ASK me where they would like to ejaculate. So just say over your tits and face. Guys love that, especially when you rub it in like its massage oil. Plus, true fact here, sperm is GREAT for your skin. It’s like a natural moisturiser. Trust me on this when I say if you have it on your face, your skin will feel like you are pre pubescent again!

To be fair, when you are giving a blow job, it is all about the attitude. Even if you do not enjoy it, pretend like you do. Men are usually quite proud of their penises and everything associated so make him feel like a king.  

I decided to ask some friends what they thought about the whole Spit or Swallow debate..

Jane: I usually swallow because it is easier than getting up and spitting it out. If you are in a bedroom you probably would have to get up to walk to a bin and that means having it in your mouth longer. Forget that, just swallow!

Anthony: I love it when a girl swallows. Makes me feel proud, especially when she has a dirty grin on her face after. Dirty like she is a porn star, not dirty like I taste rank. I think I would be offended if she spat it out.

Tom: Forget it in the mouth, I prefer to spunk on her face or tits! (ß my kind of man)
Nicola: If you spit it might go on the sheets and then you'll have to wash them, and dry them, and put them back on, and honestly I don’t have time for that shit. Obviously I am the laziest blower in the world.

Zara: No way will I swallow. It is just vile. 

Sarah: Apparently per teaspoon there is only 90 calories in it and it contains calcium and zinc and is a protein. So if it’s good in those ways I think you should just accept it and enjoy it. (ß control health freak anyone?!)

If your partner does not ask where you want it, tell him whether you like to swallow or not and if not, where you want it. It won’t put the guy off if you tell him you are not a swallower. If you are not sure what do or it’s an unexpected finale, just pull back and use your hands and let it do its thing. If you are lucky, it will be just your hands you need an antibacterial scrub for. Unlucky and you will have a stinging eye and a trip to A&E.. “umm no Doctor it isn’t conjunctivitis but it does sting!”

I would love to hear all of your thoughts and views on this topic. Email me at or tweet me or go to my Facebook page

Little Miss V..x