Monday, 27 February 2012

Live Sex Show!

Sitting in the second row (not out of choice) at a LIVE Casa Rosso sex show in Amsterdam, I look around to see the other types of people viewing the show I am about to see. Old men, A LOT of Chinese men, girls on a hen do, men on a stag do and other average folk, like me. There are about 100 people all sat in this one dingy theatre about to view the same show. Basically, watching porn, but LIVE!

The first act to grace the stage are a black couple. They start kissing and fondling eachother. He is already naked and she is wearing a little thong and heels. He takes off her thong and there they both are, nude to an audience of 100 people. The first thing I notice is the size of his penis and I wonder how he is going to get that into her as she is quite small. Anywho, they start having sex to one song then the song changes and wham bam thank you mam, about 50% of the men in this place have just jizzed their pants! The song "Just in case" (remix) by Jaheim is playing. To anybody who knows the song, you know the beat. Well, imagine this couple banging to it. 10 seconds in one position, then he has her lifted up, 10 seconds later she is sat on his cock, then he is on his knees while she is in an upside down bridge postition. Whilst watching, I wonder firstly if that is even physically possible?! He makes sure throughout their act that he lovingly kisses her (apparently all the couples performing are actual couples in real life.) Act no 1 = Decent!

They finish their alloted time slot and choreographed act and the curtains close. Two minutes later, act number 2 appears. This is a woman I would say in her 40's with a decent body but a face that would make you want to paper bag her. She is wearing a black leather bikini. She hops across the stage back and forth with some "sexy" dance moves. To me, it was far from sexy and I actually started dozing off. I open my eyes and she is now naked and pulling beads out of her vagina. BORING. Are you telling me I just spent 30 quid to watch a middle aged woman pull beads from her vagina? It better get better than this. Act no 2 = Boring! Off she trots and next is another couple.

He has long hair tied up in a ponytail and has a variety of tattoos over his body. She is average looking, looks a bit like a blow up doll to be honest. After thinking she looks like a blow up doll, she is now being treated like one. This guy is pounding her harder than a Mcdonalds worker pounding on the meat. Sitting two rows from the front not only can your hear them if they talk, but you can hear the smacking of their bodies and genitals together. It is obvious that a spank on the ass is code for change position. Everytime the guy slaps the girls ass, she moves. I look at her face and she genuinely looks like she is in pain. He is throwing her around as if she is a rag doll. He is biting his lip with pride, she is biting her arm in pain. Very uncomfortable to watch. Act no 3 = RAPIST alert!

Off they go, and on comes the cigar smoking girl. She looks young, maybe early 20's and is wearing an awful wig. She dances around the stage up and forth like the previous dancer. After boring us for two minutes (and me thinking nothing but how much I want to give her a nice wig) she takes a cigar and starts smoking it. Then she is on the floor, lying down and in goes the cigar to her vagina. She lifts her body up, breathes in and puffffffff comes a cloud of smoke. She just smoked a cigar through her vagina. The audience gasped and clapped. She then carries on for another two minutes which by this time, has got boring and no one cares any more. Another boring one to watch. Act no 4 = Repetative!

Next thing we hear is the pink panther theme tune and gracing us with her presence is a very beautiful woman in a bra and tiny panties covered by pink fur. Down from the ceiling comes a pole and off comes her fur. She treats us to a pole dance and I have to say, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was incredible. I can imagine every guy in this theatre had a boner. Act no 5 = HOT!

Couple number 3 come to the stage and he is already licking her vagina as the curtains open. This was their main thing. Oral. He also liked to lick his fingers after having them up her minge. I won't lie, as I watched her nosh him off I couldn't help but notice her gag when she deep throated. I don't think many people noticed this. Clearly I was paying too much attention. Any way, as they got on to having sex, my friend and I just started having our own conversation as they bored us to death. Act no 6 = Finger Licking..OK!

OH BANANA OH BANANA.. Here comes act no 2 again, the middle aged bag face woman. This time for the banana show. She once again does a little dance and then comes down to the audience where she looks for some volunteers. They don't know what they are getting themselves into. Up she goes back to the stage with three girls who are on a Hen do and one guy (who was really hot!) They all have a dance and then she lies down, puts a banana (still in its skin) inside her vagina and then starts to unpeel it. She calls each of her volunteers seperately and makes them take a bite of her banana. As the guy (who is the last one) goes to bite it, she holds his head down there. He was in his elemant. A dancing Gorilla with a large plastic penis comes to the stage too and pretends to be wanking off. As he does this, water sprays accross the audience making it look as if he has jizzed. Act no 7 = Put off banana split for life

NEEEENAAAWWWWW NEEEENAAAWWWW on comes a policeman. Amen. A tall, hench black man in his uniform is on stage. All the girls in the audience are cheering. Like the Banana woman, he comes down intot the audience to find a suspect. He then gets a girl up on stage who is the 'Hen' on her hen do with her girls. He makes her take his clothes off, rub cream into his bum and then puts her hands on his penis. He lifts her up and tries to grind with her. She is not having any of it. His thong (yes he was wearing a thong) rips off and he is as flacid as a dead man. FAIL. Act no 8 = Arrest the girl for her lame effort!

Next we have another couple. She is quite pretty and he is less than average looking with an ok body but has moobs. You can tell these two are a couple simply from the way he is making love to her. That's right, they aren't having pounding, dirty sex but he seems to be enjoying making love to her slowly. The look on her face is not as morbid as the other girls. They looked bored or in pain, this one seems to be enjoying it. Maybe she is just a good actress because to be honest, how can you enjoy having sex for 4 minutes every hour for about 8 hours!? Act no 9 = Sweet Love!

Last but not least, we have Little Miss Long Hair. Another girl probably in her early 20's. Dancing around on the stage like banana woman and cigar pussy puffer, she then lay a towel on the stage and gets out two dildos. One she puts in her vagina and one in her ass and then starts playing with it. She was quite hot I will admit that, but if I wanted to see someone play with a dildo, I could just look in the mirror. Act no 10 = major fail.

So all in all, I could say I enjoyed 2 or 3 of the acts. I would however urge people to go and see the show when they are in Amsterdam as it is a great experience and something everyone should see. Put it on your bucket list people.

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Co-Workers With Benefits

I am from a generation of young professionals who often spend more time at the office/workplace than at home. As a result of this, there are a lot of single men and women who don't have the time to meet new people. Naturally, they seek their potential partners within their surrounding environment - the workplace.

You could take Grey's Anatomy for an example. Working long hours within a hospital leaving hardly any hours to socialise, the doctors become close to those around them, building relationships as friends and lovers.

One in three people has a romantic liaison with a colleague and 28 per cent of British working women say they have had sex in the workplace.

I won't lie, I have had quite a few jobs over the years and have had relationships at quite a few of them (does not mean I have slept with them all!) Take the Mayfair Hotel for example. I worked in the Spa for over a year. This hotel is quite big with lots of different departments. From housekeeping, to maintenance, to bar staff, restaurant, porters, chef's and many more. It wasn't long before I had my first encounter with a colleague. His name was Jacques. He was tall, pale skin with dark hair and captivating brown eyes. He was about 12 years older than me and from the moment we met, there was an instant attraction. I would find any excuse possible to go to his department to speak to him. Everytime we did speak, you could see the chemistry between us and how we wanted eachother. One day I was walking through back of house from the spa to the lunch room when I felt a strong hand grab my arm and another over my mouth. I was shocked at first but the moment I saw it was Jacques, I knew something was to happen. He took me into the boiler room of the hotel and we ran to the back of this hot, steamy room full of pipes. Next thing I knew, our clothes were flying off and my legs were wrapped around him. Feeling his lips on my neck made me quiver inside and this moment I had longed for was finally happening. My usual lunch break turned into one of the most gut wrenching and mind blowing orgasms that I have ever had to this day.

There was the time at GAP where I used to sneak up to the stock room to snog David. Or being at a certain office job where Adrian would get in the lift with me and stop it on purpose so he could make out with me.
I will make it clear that none of my work relationships turned into anything serious. All were a bit of fun. Well, apart from Jamie at another office job who did take me on a few dates but it didn't work out.

There are some work relationships that work and turn into something serious. Take my friend Hayley for example. She was working as an assistant to a filming director on an advert when she met Lee, a photographer who was taking pictures for the advert. They got introduced and she tells me from the moment they first started talking, she knew she wanted something to happen. They started dating and 9 months later they moved in together. A year after that they got engaged.

Unfortunately, not all stories can end up like this. There will always be the disastrous few. Take Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky for example. They had "sexual relations" whilst she was working in the White House when he was the President of the USA! After some time of their affair going on, she confided in another colleague who then started secretly taping their conversations. On the tapes were Monica explaining how Billo had shoved a cigar tube into her vagina and talked about the blue dress on which Bill jizzed on. Nice.

So, I have come up with a few do's and don'ts for sex/relationships in the workplace..

1) Consult your employee handbook if you have one. Some companies actually have policies that forbid relationships between co-workers.
2) Try and keep the sexual activities out of the workplace. Obviously if you are gaggin for the shaggin, do it discreetly.
3) Pick the co workers you want to confide in carefully. You don't want to be telling one person who then spreads it quicker than chlamydia in 16 year olds.
4) Flirt discreetly. Discretion is the key to a successful office romance. Brushing past someone or a stolen glance over the photocopier is far more enticing than draping yourself over his desk.

1) Walk out of the office toilets with your dress stuck in your knickers or jizz on your lip.
2) Send flirty emails. A lot of companies have an IT department within the company that can see ALL emails.. They will have a right laugh at you but not just that, you can get in trouble.
3) If you have a fight, don't bring it to the workplace. Leave the bitcing for at home!
4) If he is married, don't bother. He isn't going to leave his wife for you and if you still shag him whilst he is married, you become the ultimate home wrecking whore. Never a good look.

I would love to hear some stories from you guys so please share in the comment box below or email me

Lotsa Love..

Little Miss V..xx

Monday, 13 February 2012

Happy Valentines Day!

Yes, it's that time of year again. Love is in the air and so are lovey-dovey images of hearts, flowers, candy, and cupid.

The history of Valentine's Day, and the story of its patron saint is shrouded in mystery. We do know that February has long been celebrated as a month of romance, and that St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages, though written Valentine's didn't begin to appear until after 1400. The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written in 1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt.

So, back in the day, a man did a good deed and he was celebrated. Now, nobody recognises St. Valentine, the man that saved love but people just see Valentines day as another gimicy day to spend money. Personally, that is how I kind of see it. Now I know a lot of you will probably think I am bitter, and to those who know me just know I usually think like a bloke, but what is the necessity of spending so much money over one measley day?

Don't get me wrong, I think going for a nice dinner and maybe a bunch of flowers and chocolates is nice, but going for dinner is something you should do often with your partner. And who needs to be with a partner for a box of chocolates?! Put on PS I Love You, give me a box of chocs and I am sorted.

Statistics show that apart from the amount of money being spent, the next big things to happen on Valentine's day are divorce and pets being bought. Hold on, I thought the saying was "a dog is for life, not just Christmas!?" Clearly now we need to change it to Valentines day at puppies are the animals being bought.

I asked a few friends what their take on Valentines day was..

Carrie: I like to cook for my man on valentines day and give him lots of attention.. I like flowers and to be wooed, he has to buy the presents!

Bill: Valentines day is meant to be for men and women. Why all the emphasis on what he does for her?? If you love your partner February 14th is just another day on the calendar.

Allie: We give our mums attention on mothers day and this is the day for love. You have to let the one you love know it! Boys can believe if they give just that, good and dirty sexy time will follow!!

Rachel: I love Valentines day. I love buying presents and dressing up. I am now two years into my relationship and each Valentines I buy new, sexy underwear to wear for my man. At first I thought it would be really romantic but now it isn't so much. I just expect the presents now and I would be gutted if I didn't get one.

So, after reading what my friends had to say, I was a bit shocked and suprised. Mainly by what Rachel had to say. If you are in a relationship, surely throughout the year there are things you want to do to keep your man pleased. So just on you buy new lingerie to model to him? Just because you are going to stand there in your suspenders does not mean you have the right to recieve a new Tiffany bracelet.

Personally, (if I had a man) I would be happy to celebrate this day of love. Dinner, good film, good sex. DONE. What is more loving than that?! (Ok, maybe add a good porno to the mix!)

Here are some poems to keep you all amused/ happy/ in love bla bla

Roses are straight
Violets are twisted,
bend over love
you're about to get fisted

Roses are stupid,
Violets are silly,
Grease up your flaps,
Cos here comes my willy
one for the boys to use of course

Roses are red
Violets are blue
tell me you love me
cos I adore you

Roses are red,
daffodils are yellow
Every nice girl,
needs a nice fellow

So, to those of you in a relationship, enjoy the day of love and learn the history of this 'festival.' Back in the day, a simple love letter was all it took to express feelings. Girls, don't expect too much off your man. Guys, if your girl is needing a bit extra on this day, just do it to avoid arguments.
To those of you that are single, I recommend you take a trip to the shops and meet my boyfriends, Ben and Jerry. They have served me well over the years. They will take away and sad feelings you may have about not having a date on Valetines day.

I would love to hear what you all have to say.

Happy St.Valentines Day..

Monday, 6 February 2012

Guest Blog by FilmJuiceDating.. How to do 'it' like they do in the movies..

How to do it like they do in the movies

After admiring Little Miss V's up-front an honest blog, she kindly invited us, – a dating website for singles into film, to write a guest blog. When pondering on what to write it occurred to us that often our first experience of sex is in the movies. For example, when younger you may have been watching late night TV with your parents or alone, when the two perfectly honed and toned protagonists on screen, who minutes before were simply having a conversation, suddenly start pouting and panting, and before you know it they’ve de-robed, she’s spread eagle and his butt cheeks are most definitely clenched. Tantalised by this brief and face-reddening first encounter, no doubt every film you sneaked into your bedroom afterwards was of the X rated variety. But can sex ever be like it is in the movies? Well, yes and no. We may not all benefit from on-screen retouching (well not that kind anyway!) but at least you’ll actually be doing it and not just acting it (well maybe a little bit) and with a little effort, it’s not impossible to imitate movie-style sex. Here are our tips on how to do it like they do in the movies. WARNING: A little imagination, an adventurous spirit and a few props required.

9 ½ Weeks: Kim Basinger does a strip tease to end all strip teases

While there’s many scenes you could choose to imitate from this fornication filled movie (definitely worth watching for inspiration alone) we’ve opted for the very sultry strip tease Basinger does for Mickey Rouke, this is in the days when he didn’t look like he’d done ten rounds with Mike Tyson (and we most definitely WOULD have). Basinger uses cleverly positioned light, a billowy sheer under-slip and a telephone to tantalise Rouke before baring her nakedness on the fires escape stairs. To imitate pick an upbeat song, don a sexy secretary style skirt suit with a white under-slip and turn down the lights, with only spot lights (lamps will do) on you. Make sure your man is comfortably seated, preferably with popcorn, and move sensually, imitating secretarial duties (like bending over to pick up a pencil), then teasingly remove layer upon layer until you are in the slip only. Flaunt the fact that the lights make the slip see-through and that your nipples are most definitely showing and then run to an outside space (best do this at night) for the big reveal – he’ll be dragging you back to the bedroom in no time! See how Kim Basinger does it 91/2 Weeks here -

Mr and Mrs Smith: create so much noise the neighbours call the police

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are one of Hollywood’s hottest couples and in this movie you can see the lustful sparkle in both their eyes as they play a couple of assassins tasked with killing each other. In this scene, after chasing each other around the house assassin style, Brad finally gets a hold of Angelina – but instead of shooting her, beaten down and bloodied, he takes her madly against the door frame/ chest of draws and anything else that that makes a good arse or back rest. This one is quite easy to imitate, all you need is an empty house and a raging temperament you can channel into ferocious sex. Next time you argue with your fella turn those angry shoves and obscenities being screamed into ‘take me in the hallway right now’ while ripping his shirt off, let him push you up against the wall and make use of every single space available until you find the perfect spot on the floor. Remember to keep it playfully rough. When finished, take a breather, then do it all over again! If the door-bell rings ignore it – it’s probably the neighbours concerned over the crash and banging! See how Brad Pitt and Angelina do it here -

Dirty Dancing: Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Gray simulating sex

In this scene, which is actually deleted from the original movie, Swayze puts on some schmaltzy music in his shabby apartment and gives Jennifer Gray a dance she won’t forget in a hurry. With his top off flaunting his ripped chest and with Gray looking all petite and innocent in her cream silk underwear, Sawyze gyrates her, legs-akimbo, on his by now bulging crotch. Yes, we wouldn’t mind either! It does help that Swayze’s body is a gift from god, but even if your man’s not as gifted in the torso department it can still be sexy to do what is essentially some dry humping – with very good rhythm – before you get down to the real stuff. Start with some suitable music and gently dance together, hips swaying in tune with one another, kiss and spread your hands all over his body. Make yourself light and limber and ready to be swept up on his crotch or thigh for some serious mid air gyrating. Mix it up a bit and go for as long as you can stand it before relenting to the real thing! Enjoy!

Watch Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Gray do it here - is a dating website for singles into film. It’s free to sign up and has over a million members!