Thursday, 14 November 2013

What women really think when giving a blow job!

1) I hate this and I know my mouth is going to ache after, but fuck it, leggo!

2) Thank god his penis is clean and doesn't taste of sweat or cheese!

3) Why am I closing my eyes? Am I scared a pube is going to tickle my eyeball?

4) Forget the eyeball tickling, I have a pube stuck in my teeth. SHIT. Shall I keep it later to floss with? Ok I need to get it out my mouth without being too blatant.

5) Ok, now my own hair is in my mouth, I knew I should have tied it up. Should I ask him to grab my hair? Oh wait, I cannot talk, I have a mouth full of cock!

6) Ok, i'll move my hair and see if he got the hint. Great, he got the hint, grab it boy! Ouch, ok, I want my hair to stay on my head.

7) Oooooh new episode of Xfactor tomorrow. Must put a reminder on my phone to record it.

8) I am actually kind of enjoying this. Let me try and deep throat. GAG. NEVER DO THAT AGAIN! I just basically choked on a dick.

9) Look up at him. Make sexy movements and look at him like you are a porn star. WHAT! His eyes are closed? Mate, I am giving you a porn star nosh and you are not even looking at me. Oh hello open eyes. Ye, you like that? Eyes shut again. Did he not like that? Ok wait, he is moaning now, ok, I think he liked it. Unless he didn't and like me, he is thinking other things. So I am trying to act like a sexy porn star but really he is thinking "Stop trying to be sexy you hippo and just keep sucking my dick!" Great.

10) Maybe I should involve his balls. They look a bit lonely. Ok, go for it, rub them. Yep, he likes that, that is deffo not a fake moan! Yeah you like itttt?? RARRRRRR. Did I just kind of roar on his dick? Now I want to laugh cos I amused myself but I cannot laugh due to having a mouth full of penis. Ok, remember to tell your friends later that you roared on his dick like a lion, they will laugh with you. Good idea. Oh and don't forget Xfactor!

11) Ok, I know you are enjoying this, but I kinda want to have sex. Are we gonna have sex? Ok, I will take that pushing of my head that you want to cum. Ok no cum in my mouth, how do I play this sexily? The porn star nosh effect didn't work. Ah, I know... the hand? the face? the tits? Hmmm, do I like you enough to let you give me a facial or pearl necklace? Naaaa you get the hand!

12) Yeah? your about to cum? Keep telling me so I know to remove my mouth so I do not have to swallow any of that disgusting, thick, gooey liquid.. OH YOU BASTARD.. NO WARNING!! Down the back of my throat some goes, and into the hand goes the rest...

Friday, 4 October 2013

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.

I just finished watching a film called “Act like a lady, think like a man.” This is something I have always gone by. I have always thought like a man due to not wanting to get hurt when dating or in a relationship, and I guess it kind of worked. I see my female friends and how devastated they get when a guy doesn’t call them or take them somewhere nice where as my male friends are so blasé. So this was what I wanted. I never wanted to be the girl that becomes obsessive or insecure so instead, act like a man and you won’t be disappointed.

The film is based on a book with the same name by a guy called Steve Harvey. It’s funny how a man is so easily letting women into a man’s head. Giving her the secrets of what men really think. He says, “too many women are clueless about men and men get away with a whole load of stuff when it comes to relationships because women have never understood how men think.” 

Now how true is that? How many of you females are reading this thinking, shit, I never know what he is thinking! So try to think like him. I haven’t read this book but here I will go through a few things that I saw in the film, what I know or what has worked for me in the past.

Firstly, men are simple. They are driven by who they are, what they do and how much money they make. If he is still looking for his goals or dreams then do not be the girl that stands in his way. Do not try and get all of his attention on to you. Be the chilled girl that lets him get on with what it is he needs to do and give him support. Men love it when a girl is supportive.

Secondly, date like a man. When you are in the dating pool you want to have fun. As a girl, if you are going on a date with a guy during the week, you know that there will be no other dates that week as women are always hoping the next date will be the right date and turn into something. Not for men, men are going on numerous dates in the week. They do not go to the date thinking “she could be the one!” No, they go thinking this will be a fun way to pass the evening and I may even get my dick sucked. So ladies, multi date! Keep your expectations low and meet different guys before falling in love.

Third, be independent. Guys love a girl that does her own thing. ‘Squeeze’ him into your schedule when you can. Don’t ever change your plans to meet a guy. He can wait, and if he likes you, he most certainly will. If you have interests and commitments outside of your relationship, he will be kept interested.

Fourth, Harvey says men are like fishermen - but women are actually the ones looking for a good catch. You won't be able to find one, though, until you up your standards. "You've got sports fishermen, and you've got guys out there fishing to eat. You've got guys that are fishing to keep the fish, and you've got guys that are fishing to catch them, unhook them and throw them back," Harvey says. "You've got to determine along the way which one of the fish you're going to be."

Fifth, let him be him. Girls, do not try and control your man. Be smart, if he is not looking for something serious, do not act like you are the one girl that is going to change him. Just because you are dating and being intimate and doing all the right things, does not mean he will change his mind. If you want a night with him to watch the Notebook but he has poker night with the boys, do not interrupt that, let him do his thing! When you try to change your partner that is when they start to resent you

Ladies, when it comes to sex remember one thing, you have the vagina. The one thing the man wants. When he says “it isn’t about sex,” do not believe him. It is always, deep down, about sex. So control it, if he likes you, he will chase you for it. 

Stay classy, stay respectful, have standards and control the game ;)

Little Miss V..xx

Wednesday, 24 July 2013

Dating In Tel Aviv!

I moved to Tel Aviv 5 months ago knowing that I would be in for a ride when it comes to the men here. I grew up with an Israeli father so spent most summers visiting Israel. As I got older and started to come with friends and not family, I got to learn the type of guys that Israel had to offer.
Who wouldn’t want to come to Israel and find a nice, tanned, beach loving Israeli? Over the years I had my fair share of the so called “typical” Israeli guy. You know the kind you love when you are young and naïve. The type that we call an ‘ars.’ They are the ones that attract you because of their dark tanned body, dark hair, soft Sephardi skin and great smell.
So let me tell you about one I met not long after I arrived here 5 months ago. *David was tall, long hair tied up (which I used to love) and worked as a manager at a beach bar. I went to this certain beach bar with a friend often and he would always come over and talk to us. There was an attraction from the start and every time I saw him I would instantly eye fuck him.
Though I would do that, I didn’t want to instantly sleep with him or have anything major happen. I am a lady at the end of the day! So when he finally asked for my number I was excited. The mix of my Hebrew and his English worked perfectly. A day after he took my number he called me and asked me on a date. I accepted. He asked me if I wanted to come to his place. Rule number 1, first date – never go to a dudes home unless you are in it just for the shag. So I told him maybe it will be fun if we go for a drink to which he replied, “and then go to my place?” I replied to that with “if you get me drunk enough!”

Obviously I said that as a joke, he didn’t get it. Oops!
So a few days later I go to meet David at a bar near where he lives on Rothschild. Was nice to see him though his baggy jeans and baggy tshirt did absolutely nothing for his skinny body and definitely didn’t look as hot as he did whilst working at the beach bar in his rolled up jeans and tight shirt. Anyway, we had some snacks, conversation was flowing as were the drinks non stop. David then moved closer to me and started to kiss me. Now I am not one for PDA, especially with a guy I hardly know so kissing me in public is a big no no. I kissed back then released and carried on drinking. Clearly David and I had different impressions of where this night was going.

I thought about continuing to drink because to be honest, being drunk was the only way I was going to be able to handle this guy. So I take another sip of my drink and his hand moves to my leg. Ok, whatever, have a squeeze I don’t mind. Then, as I took another sip of my drink, his hand moved from my leg, up to my vajayjay. We are in the middle of a bar and he has his hand grabbing my lady garden!
I was so shocked I spat my drink out. He starts talking in his deep Israeli accent, “oh baby I want you lets go to my place I want to do bad things to you, I want to hurt you, I want to slap you, I want to bite you, I want to bruise you, I want to make you mine!”
Do I look like a ragdoll to you? Do I look like someone you can abuse? Am I a possession? HELL NO!

So I stood up and told him I was leaving. He stood up to try and make me stay. I looked down to his package as I could see his massive boner.
“Down boy” I said to them both and off I walked.

Monday, 24 June 2013

Love Letter

Hey dolls,

So I just got an email from one of my readers, here is what it said..

"Hey Lala, I need your help. I think I have fallen in love with this girl. I have never had feelings for a girl like this. Usually I am the player type and I don't care for girls and will sleep with them and not call them, but this girl I feel has changed me. She makes me smile, my heart melts like butter and I want to be a better person for her. I sound like such a pussy right now but I don't know how to behave with these feelings. I saw in an old post of yours that your friends call you an 'emoshaphobe' as you are not one to have feelings either and I feel because of this, I can talk openly and freely to you. What would you do in my situation? How would you act if it was you? I want to write her a letter. I feel like I want to open up to her and my pride and ego won't let me do it in person. Is it ok to write her a letter? I have never felt excitement with a girl like this. Maybe she is the one? HELP ME!

After reading that, I instantly smiled. For me, someone who yes, can be described as a slight emoshaphobe, something like this has touched me. I understand him completely. It is hard to let people in and change your ways but when you get a feeling for someone this strong, you must do everything you can to get the person you want.

(I replied to Samuel separately but here will tell you all how I think/feel about the situation!)

If you like someone then you should forget about your 'player ways' and do what ever you feel right. Sometimes we need to let our guard down to let people in. I understand Sam because I find it hard to let people in and let my walls down but if you meet someone and you feel it is right to do so, then go for it. Don't think about your old ways or what your friends might think of you, just go with it, go with your heart.

The idea of a love letter.. Why the hell not! We are in a generation now where everything is over the internet or a smartphone. It beats a poke on Facebook, a like on Instagram or a text message saying 'you looked reem tonight!' Lets take a note from our grandparents generation where there were no smartphones or tablets (unless you were mates with Moses and his homies because they literally wrote on rock tablets) and things were simple and you were given a letter on a date or posted through your door.
You need to make sure thought if you are going to write someone a love letter that you don't make it too cheesey. You don't want to scare the person off, especially if it is in early stages. Don't write a poem, you are not Shakespere nor are you Ludwig Van Beethoven who wrote a love letter to an unknown love the now famous quote "Ever thine.Ever mine.Ever ours."
Be you! Say what you feel. Say what you think. Do not try and be someone you are not.

The whole concept of the love letter I think is beautiful. When I was 16 (nearly 10 years ago) I had a boyfriend who wrote me a love letter and drew a rose and signed off with his signature. I loved it so much at the time and even now I think back to how romantic it was. I actually still have the letter in my memory box :)

So I decided to do some research and find some love letters from famous people and here are some of my favourites..

Jimi Hendrix to a woman he called his Little Girl..

little girl…..
happiness is within you….so unlock the chains from your heart and let yourself grow—
like the sweet flower you are…..
I know the answer—
Just spread your wings and set yourself
Love to you forever
Jimi Hendrix

Richard Burton to ElizabethTaylor...

“My blind eyes are desperately waiting for the sight of you. You don’t realize of course, E.B., how fascinatingly beautiful you have always been, and how strangely you have acquired an added and special and dangerous loveliness.”

Marilyn Monroe to Joe DiMaggio

"I don't know how to tell you just how much I miss you. I love you till my heart could burst. All I love, all I want, all I need is you - forever. I want to just be where you are and be just what you want me to be. I know its lousy of me to be so late so often and I promise to try a million times harder, I promise. I want someday for you to be proud of me as a person and as your wife and as your wife and as the mother of the rest of your children. (two at least! I've decided.)
I miss it so much when you don't love me and hold me and cuddle me to sleep every night. I want to be near you and I feel so sad tonight.
Darling, please don't leave me anymore.

Love, Marilyn"

And this has to be one of my all time favourites, ok, it isn't real and is from the film The Notebook but come on, who doesn't love Noah and Allie!

"Dearest Allie. I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that it’s over between us. I’m not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent a summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I’d hoped to give to you forever. I love you. I’ll be seeing you. Noah.”

Have you ever written a love letter to someone? Has anyone ever written you a love letter? Do you wish we could go old school and be romantic is such a way? I want to hear your thoughts and views!
Twitter: @LittleMissVak

Lots of love..

Little Miss V..xx

Monday, 27 May 2013

Sex Cereal!

You read so often in magazines and newspapers about foods that can help with your weight, or muscle, or health - but never have I come across a food made specifically to improve your sex life!

Inroducing Sexcereal - a breakfast wholefood designed to improve the sex lives of men and women, with distinct versions for each gender. Billing itself as “the world’s first all-natural, GMO-free, gender-based breakfast cereal,” Sexcereal comes in two packages: “The Male cereal supports testosterone and energy levels,” according to the website, “while the Female cereal was created with hormonal balance and desire in mind.”

Created by Peter Ehrlich, a Canadian entrepreneur who won funding on the television show “Dragon’s Den,” Canada’s version of “Shark Tank,” Sexcereal is made from a long list of ingredients said to stimulate the sexual appetite. For women, there are chia seeds, almonds, cacao nibs, ginger and, among others, maca, a Peruvian plant known for its sex-enhancing benefits. Along with maca (a key ingredient in horny goat weed), men’s ingredients include bee pollen, pumpkin seeds, goji berries, Vitimamin-C enriched camu camu berries and for some extra confidence, a sprinkle of powder made from the foreskin of a blue whale.
Ok, that last bit was a joke but it wouldn't surprise me if something like that popped up in the hidden section of the ingredients!

If you look on the website and the 'story' section you will see a picture of Peter, the wonderful creator of this bizarre product. You will then see he is wearing a leather jacket and a belt. It says on the website that he came up with the idea whilst taking a walk.. Well that is a load of bullshit. He came up with the idea when he was wearing a gag mask and someone filled his mouth with granola whilst whipping him and having his ballsack sucked. He got excited and thought 'let's make a cereal to turn people on!'

I won't deny, I have tried foods considered 'Aphrodisiacs' to get turned on and it has never really worked. They says foods like Almonds, Avocado, Asparagus, Bananas, Basil, Chocolate, Oysters and honey are in the group but let's be honest here, who has ever been turned on by watching someone suck up a slimey oyster or spit out almond when talking? Or pouring honey on someone to lick it off, you just get a sticky mess, and not in the great moisturizer for my face kind of way! Banana sucking fine, suck a banana in front of a guy and instantly he will get a boner but pee in front of a guy when you have eaten asparagus and he will run for miles.

I think I might need to try this, see what all the fuss is about. I say fuss because it is appearing in every newspaper and even on TV!

They ship around the world so get trying it people and get horny ;)

Website link -

Lots of love..

Little Miss V.. xx

PS. When you check out the website look at the picture in the top right corner, a woman playing a flute to a cobra.. She really is getting the snake out of the basket ;)

Thursday, 25 April 2013

Spooning Always Leads To Forking!

So the other night I was out at a bar with friends when we got onto the topic of 'sexual positions!'
As a sex/relationship/dating blogger, people seem to think I know every position out there. Relax, I am not the Kama sodding Sutra!

It was funny because one of my friends started telling me a few positions which I thought were jokes, they in fact were not. Take the "Spiderman" for example.. The guy bangs the girl really hard, any position he wants then when he is about to cum, stands on top of her, does the Spiderman hand gesture (as if his spider web was to fly out) and jizzes all over his girl. Delightful!

So then we started to all talk about positions we like and only the girls got their say and what we like. Because let's be honest, us women should tell our men what we want. We love sex just as much as they do, sometimes we like it and want it more than they do.

So we came up with our top 5 positions..

1) Missionary - How can you not like missionary? It is how you first started out. Woman on her back, legs slightly apart. Man on top between her thighs. He supports himself on his arms so he can look down to her and she can use her arms to squeeze his ass and guide the movement so it's just how she likes it. From here he can easily slide in and out of her and she can lie back and enjoy it but also move her legs up, holding them or putting them on his shoulders.

2) Doggy Style - The Doggy Style sex position is an absolute classic and, like it or loathe it, it's one that's in every girl's sexual repertoire. She's on all fours. In order to hold her balance, she shifts her weight off her hands back towards her partner - she can use a rocking motion to get the rhythm she wants. He kneels directly behind her and holds her hips firmly to control the thrusts. Look back at your partner with dirty sex eyes, he will love it, oh and if you like it rough, tell him to push your head down and pull your hair - will make him go wild. Avoid doing Doggy on a carpet, the burns are not fun!

3) The Butterfly - The key to the Butterfly sex position is the angle. She lies on her back on the edge of a suitable piece of furniture (bed, table etc). He stands before her and she slips her legs over his shoulders. She puts her arms and hands down so she can lift her hips up while he grabs her ass to give her added lift. As long as he's strong enough he can then move into her at the perfect angle.

4) Cowgirl/ Reverse Cowgirl - Yeee haaa!! Ride him cowgirl! The Cowgirl/ Reverse Cowgirl is probably one of the most exciting sex positions. The man lies on his back and the woman kneels over him so he can enter her. She can bob up and down supporting her weight with her hands on his thighs and he can help by lifting her hips as she moves. They can both reach each others key pleasure zones for a bit of a play too if they like.

5) The Padlock - The girl climbs onto a high piece of furniture (work desk, kitchen counter, washing machine ...), sits down on the edge and supports herself with the arms behind her. He stands before her and she wraps her legs firmly around his hips as he leans in to penetrate her in the Padlock sex position.
They can look into each other eyes as he uses grips her bottom to control the momentum. Time with the spin cycle for added "ohhhh".


Don't forget kids, spooning always leads to forking!
Share with me your favourite positions..
Twitter: @LittleMissVak
Lotsa love..
Little Miss V..x 

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

Too Picky?

Hey dolls,

So, it has come to my attention after seeing it happen amongst my friends that some of you are just way too picky when it comes to finding a partner. A lot of my girlfriends tell me they find it so hard to find a guy, don't get me wrong I have said that many a time too but maybe it is because we look for something more than what we find.

Take my friend Ariella for example. Stunning girl, absolutely beautiful with a great personality too and can literally get any guy she wants but she only likes the good looking pretty boys. Has being with these model looking men helped her in life? NO. They have all been pricks to her. So when I told her maybe she needs to actually forget the looks for a minute so she can find a nice guy, her face dropped.

To me, looks comes after personality. If a guy can make me smile, hold conversation, make me laugh and give good kisses, instantly he is in my good books and I will give him a chance. Once you get to know someone it is their personality and things about them you fall for not just the looks. Listen, there are alway going to be things about people we don't like. Nobody is perfect. There will be something in every person you meet that you may like.
I went speed dating once and out of about 15 guys I met, I could have put the perfect man together out of 5 of them. It is so rare that you will meet someone that has everything you wish for in a partner.
I think pickiness comes with laziness. I know a lot of girls and guys for that matter think that their perfect person will just come to them. Even if you are out in a bar we sometimes just pick up an excuse to not talk to the person because he may not have something you are looking for. We’ll think to ourselves: “Well, he’s not my 100% perfect guy, so he’s not really for me.” And we’ll often use this as our excuse EVEN IF WE’VE NEVER EVEN SPOKEN TO HIM!
I know this behaviour because I’ve done it myself god knows how many times. I would look at someone at a party I wanted to speak to, avoid conversation with him all night, and then in my head I would make up some lame excuse about how he was probably shallow and lame anyway because it made me feel better about not taking a chance.

I do agree that you do have to be fussy when it comes to relationships. A relationship is a big commitment. If you are just having sex with someone, fine, make sure he is as hot as Channing Tatum and hung like a donkey, but if you are trying to settle you can be a bit fussy. Relationships require time, energy, emotional investment - all big commitments. So do not waste these things on someone who is not going to treat you like a goddess.

Should we be picky at every stage of the dating/relationship process? No. At the beginning of it all, when you have met someone and you are about to go on a date etc you need to be totally unpicky. This is the time when you are single and looking for a partner. If you weren't, you wouldn't be going on the date in the first place. So give out lots of chances. Get a feel for different guys (that does not mean grabbing their balls to see who has the biggest package) but see who ticks what boxes.
I have come to notice that there are a lot of good men out there. Rare me saying this because I have met a load of twatters in my life but I think it is so good to go out and date and find different qualities in different people. Even if you don't like someone you date romantically, keep them as a friend. You can never have enough friends and if the date went well I am sure hanging out as friends will be just as good.

Some advice.. -
1) Don't be too judgemental. It is such a bad quality. It's hard to see the good in people when you are only looking for the bad!
2) Stop overvaluing the wrong things and start to value the important things. Sometimes you will actually end up with someone who you really didn't think you were compatible with because you have different views and values. Boys, don't think you have to be with a girl JUST because she watches football. I watch football and actually really like it, don't think I'm a catch just cos of that (I am a catch we all know it!) but look to find the other things about her you can fall for. Girls, don't not date a guy because he likes art and museums and you don't because you like shopping and tanning. Differences are good. Opposites attract!
3) Don't just go on appearance. Not every man looks like McSteamy, Ryan Reynolds or Colin Farell (bloody wish they did I won't hide it) and i'm not just talking looks, but money also. I know a lot of girls who won't date a guy just because she knows he hasn't got a large bank account. Get your head out your asses. Stop being so superficial. We all have a 'type' there is no denying it, you know, if I always went based on my 'type' I don't think I would get very far. Tall, dark, green eyes, plays a musical instrument and has tattoos. I haven't found my 'type' up until now and probably won't! (However, if someone does find him and he is nice and funny send him my way!) But seriously, get the image of having a 'type' out your head. Just because his skin is lighter than you like and his eyes are brown not green doesn't mean he won't rock your world, he probably will!
4) Don't let your hornyness chose for you! Sometimes I see a guy and think 'phwoarrrr he would get it!' (Yes, I am vulgar, I know!) But, thats all he would get. When your vajayjay does the talking it is most likely that you want that guy just for a shag. It is usually the ones you think "I'm not sure if he would get it" that actually give it better and are better partner material. Boys, same for you, don't place too much credibility in your cock's ability to chose your next girl.
 In life there is no right cookie but you just have to pick a cookie and take a bite ;)
Get in touch..
Twitter: @LittleMissVak
Lots of love..
Little Miss V..x

Monday, 8 April 2013

The Morning After

Have you ever woken up in the morning, given a stretch to find you have slapped someone in the face? Yeah, I'm sure a lot of you have. You jolt up wondering what stranger has made it into your room in the middle of the night. Then you remember your night of excessive drinking and dancing on a bar and that explains the stranger in your bed.

It shouldn't be unexpected though. When the stranger from the bar makes it back to your bed, you know you were asking for it. You purposely shaved your legs and vagina just knowing you would get laid that night if its the last thing you do!

Ok I'm not saying it always is a stranger, you may have willingly and openly volunteered to take this lovely specimen of man home and treat him well but when you see him there, what do you do?

Do you stare at him? Do you put your head on his chest for a cuddle? Do you give him a nosh to wake him up?

Firstly do not jump up screaming, you won't have a heart attack yourself but you will probably give him one too.
He's been inside of you for probably a good few hours and made you cum at least once, don't kill the poor sod!

Don't stare. If he wakes up to find you staring at him he will freak thinking you are that stalker bitch kind of girl.

Assess the situation, have you woken up and thought FUCK MY LIFE I HATE MY BEER GOGGLES?! If so try and make him leave but in a nice way. Even if your day planned involves nothing but catching up on the Hollyoaks omnibus lying on the couch, make him aware you have places to go and people to see. He will get the hint. But at least have manners and thank him for the orgasm (if he gave you one!)

If you wake up, look over and see this beautiful Adonis that you want to go again for, first things first, go to the toilet and sort your face out, oh and brush your teeth. No one likes morning mouth. When he wakes, offer him breakfast, men love two things in life.. Food and women. So a woman cooking for a man is a major plus In his eyes!

Only give him a morning nosh to wake him up if you want him to stay and you have woken up and his hotness has made you wet between the legs. Then after that it is definitely worth cuddling!

One piece of advice, if you are that drunk try not to go to someone else's bed, I did it once and basically got strangled in the middle of the night as he got a fright. (He made up for it in the morning though!)

I'd love to hear some funny morning after stories from you all.
Woken up with jizz stuck to your face or mascara smudged across your eyes? Get in touch!

Twitter: @LittleMissVak

Lots of love

Little Miss V.. x

Monday, 18 February 2013

Massage with a happy ending?!

When I was 18 I qualified as a Beauty Therapist. Straight away I went to work in the Mayfair Spa within the beautiful Mayfair Hotel. I absolutely loved it there until I had to resign due to nerve damage in my arm and neck. 

Whilst working there I had a few, lets call them 'encounters' with clients. 
I had been working at the spa for only a month when I had my first experience of a vile, trashy "is this a brothel?" kind of man. Let's call him 'Clive.' I was massaging him and all was going well until he turned over and had a massive boner. Now, guys reading this will know that it is very normal. Sometimes you cannot help me turned on when a woman is rubbing you with warm oil and you are relaxed. Clive then said "Oh I am so sorry!" I replied, "don't be silly it's natural!" Clive then replied "is there anything you can do about it?" Being the 18 year old pup I was I simply replied "no" as I did not quite get his drift yet, until he said, "not even for a little bit extra?" A little bit extra?! Are you having a laugh?! You are paying 90 pounds for an hour massage in a 5* hotel and you are asking me for a nosh for a little bit extra! Have a laugh!! I replied, "ummmm no!"
I carried on the massage and after it I went straight to my manager to tell her. She was disgusted and immediately black listed him. I watched him walk out and the prick did not even leave me a tip. Bastard.

The next was a sexy Italian pilot who lived in Mayfair and was a gazillionaire! I was besotted by him. He was tall, dark, handsome and smelt of the most amazing aftershave! It was about 4/5 months into my time at the Spa when I first met him. One of my colleagues would massage him as a regular when he was back from being abroad. As a pilot he travelled a lot. He saw me one day and we got speaking after I delivered him a cup of peppermint tea in the Spa's calm room. A week later I saw he was booked in with me. I asked the receptionist why and told her it must be a mistake as he is always booked in with *Sandy. The receptionist told me he requested me. Wow. 

The day came when Mr Stallion would be my client. I welcomed him into my warm, nice smelling room and he got onto the bed and told me exactly how he liked to be massaged. As he was a pilot and sat a lot, he got a lot of tension in his bum and loved it being massaged. If it were anyone else, I would have been grossed out but he had the ass of a love god! After the massage he thanked me and gave me a very generous tip and re booked two weeks later. 

About 4 massages later he was back again and after finishing his back I had him turn over so I could massage his front. As I was massaging one of his arms he opened his eyes and just stared at me. I politely smiled. He told me I had great hands, I politely said thank you. He told me I was pretty, I politely giggled and said thank you. He then grabbed me by the neck and kissed me gently on the lips, I politely kissed back. Things did not carry on politely after that lets put it that way. It was a very happy ending for us both that day. 

Today I went for a massage. Now because I know the way a massage should be given, I am very critical and will say if the pressure is not to my liking etc. The pressure was perfect, this woman had the hands of an angel. I was lying on my front and she was massaging the back of my legs. She used a lot of oil which did not bother me. As she was doing the top of my leg I felt her getting very close to my vagina. I was very relaxed until I felt a finger somewhere it should not have been. Now I am not sure if it was by mistake slippage due to indubious amounts of oil or if she purposely did it just to cop a feel but she was very apologetic once I shot up in suprise! Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a full on finger blasting session, but there was finger, near clit, in vagina, during a massage. I couldn't really relax after that.

I turned over and she sits down at the head of the bed to do my chest, face and head. Her angel hands were then sliding around my neck and chest and down my cleavage and around my breasts. I did not ask for my breasts to be massaged, nor did I stop her because actually it did not feel dirty or turn me on like if a guy was doing it, but I felt relaxed, so much so I dozed off. A little while later she woke me up as the massage was over. She left the room to bring me some water. As she came back she handed me the water and smiled and said she hoped to see me again. I felt really awkward. Did she want me to come back so she could have a hot pilot session with me? I left in a hurry without leaving a tip, now I know how Clive felt!

If you have any similar stories I would love to hear them!

Lots of love..

Little Miss V..x

Friday, 11 January 2013

I'm A Porn Star!

Hey dolls,

Ok, so I'm not actually a porn star but after a little conversation (actually a massive one that included two bottles of red wine and many a laugh) with a few of my girl friends, we got to thinking that there are certain things we now do in the bedroom because of things we have seen in porn.

For example, I slept with this guy a little while ago and we got into doggy style. Back lowered, head up, I then turned my head in a seductive, porn star kind of way I had never done before. Why? Because I had seen a girl do it in a porn movie and in that moment of pure filthy head turning, he came. Wow. What power I felt I had!

My friend Kate then started telling us about the way she gave a blowie. She has always been told she was a great nosher but after watching a porn film, she learnt a new trick. So there she is, one hand on shaft, one on balls, licking and sucking, she seductively looks up at the guy with these "come to bed" eyes which instantly turned him on more. After seeing her do that his words were "I want you more than ever" and according to our little Kate, it was one of the best shags of her life!

As much as some of us find watching porn to be a useful thing i.e putting moves into use in our own bedrooms (or other places you like to do it) I think some people find it to dampen the mood, not the sheets. 

Take Georgie, a happy, bubbly friend of mine. A pretty size 12 girl. She is not an adventurous kind of girl and after her boyfriend started watching more and more porn it took a strain on their relationship. She was happy with a few positions and enjoyed making love to her boyfriend, under the duvet to add. He wanted to be more adventurous and try things he had seen in porn films but due to her already having body insecurities she did not want to and in the end their sex life was basically non existent. The relationship soon failed and they broke up. Soon after the break up he slept around and found some dutty skanks and has passed on chlamydia. After his sleeping around sessions, he realised most girls are not like porn stars and tried to win Georgie back! Bye bye son, you can take your rotten chlamydiafied penis back to your bedroom and have a sesh with your right hand!

Back in the day, the only kind of pornography a man would see would be in a top shelf magazine. Boys would steal their older brothers stash and show it in the playground at school. Now, the internet is such an easy thing to use, kids as young as 10 are watching online porn sites. I know this for a fact as a friend of mine caught his little brother watching on his iPad. Surely this kid will grow up thinking all girls should be a size 6-8 with perfect round tits. A kid that age should be riding a bike and getting caught in stinging nettles, not watching a video of a threesome!

I think with books like "50 Shades Of Grey" women are bored of their 'vanilla' sex lives and want to shift it up a gear so are going on to these porn websites to get a glimpse of something a bit raunchier.

I decided to do some research on the subject and found out that there has been an increase in 'labiaplasty' surgery and more girls are suffering from body dismorphia disorders. Listen, I have watched a fair share of porn. The girls in most of the films I have seen are the ones who need something done with their labias. I mean really, who wants to see a droopy minge? Their beef curtains are hanging lower than their grandma's tits. If I had a vagina like that, I would be straight down to the plastic surgeons office and would not be making porn videos! So to find out that lots of women are having surgery because of the vaginas they have seen on porn is beyond me because I have only seen ones that would make me run away if I was a guy. Ok, I exaggerated a tiny bit, I have seen maybe one or two nice ones..

I would like to point out something to my male readers now.. Just because you have witnessed a porno with a girl enjoying anal, moaning and screaming like she is going to explode into an orgasm so intense it is out of this world, does not mean the rest of us normal brady bunchers are going to like it. She probably did not enjoy it because it really is not that enjoyable. You men may like it because it feels tighter, but I can guarentee you that 80% of women feel like they are going to shit on your cock. If you are gay, it is your only option and I hope you enjoy it, but if you are straight USE THE FANNY!!!!! It was built by God for you penis planters to enjoy. (Just use a condom!)

Here I have found a list of the 100 Hottest porn stars around the world. Have a little look and go check out some of their videos!

If you are one who does not really view porn and wants to, or just needs to know some good websites, here is a top 5 list..
4) (this one has a huge variety to chose from including BDSM & a chubby section for all u chubby chasers)

Hope you enjoyed the post.. Send me thoughts :) 

Little Miss V..x