Tuesday, 25 November 2014

To Rebound Or To Not Rebound Sex..

There has come a stage in each one of our lives where we have broken up from a partner and felt a little sad and lonely. You know, that part where you are in bed, all alone, wishing someone else was there next to you, until BOOM, you turn over in the bed to cuddle the person you thought was there and instead, discover a whole side to a bed you didn’t know you had! The cold, soft side has been there all along, who knew?! You now don’t feel so alone. You lay in bed making angel shapes as if you were in the snow as you have so much space.

But what happens when you turn back to your side and no one is there to spoon you and turn you on in the middle of the night. Then, the sense of loneliness comes back to haunt you. 

Then you think to yourself, wouldn’t a bit of rebound sex fix all these bad feelings I am having?
When I broke up with my ex, I genuinely made a rebound sex list. I have a high sex drive, I enjoy sex but now I am not in a relationship, I thought to myself, “What am I going to do?” So I made a list. A list of potential people I could sleep with including people I previously dated, people I previously slept with, friends I have a crush on, a bar tender from a bar down the road and even a guy from Tinder. There they were. All these names on a list and I didn’t know where to start.

Don’t get me wrong and think I am an emotionless bitch. (Umm ok, I kinda am!) I do have feelings, (sometimes) and was sad to be going through a break up but I am just not one of those girls who can sit and mope around. I have an ego. I need to feel desirable again and I personally think the best way to get over a break up is go out and have fun. (That doesn’t mean go have sex with every Tom, Dick and Harry.) I mean to go out with your girls, meet some guys and not sit around at home crying over past pictures or messages. There is a reason you broke up, take it, embrace it and move on.

So I have come up with some steps to navigate whether or not you are ready for rebound sex:

1)      Be true to yourself.
If this break up has torn you to the point that you cannot eat, sleep or get out of bed and feel like death is the next step, then do not do it. You are not ready. Don’t even pretend and say “I’m fine” because you are not. Casual sex will make you feel like shit and you may decide to slit your wrist after for feeling like a whore.

2)      Be honest with your partner.
If you are able to get out of bed, go have fun and have casual sex, let the person know where you are at. If you just want to let your inner sexual beast out and are not wanting anything more than some NSA sex, let them know. Let your partner make the decision as to whether or not they want to hook up with you in your current situation. Girls, guys will not give a shit that you just broke up with someone. In fact, guys like being rebound shag. Guys, be honest with the girl. Girls do not take things the same way and may feel as if they are being used. Honesty is the best policy here bitches!

3)      Do it for the right reasons.
You may have had a shitty break up and are pissed off at your ex. If this is the case, don’t go and shag your ex’s best friend to get back at them. Never be that kind of moron! It may be that near the end, the sex was lame and you are gagging for a good session. Have rebound sex because you want to feel good!

4)      If your feelings change, stop!
Sometimes when you come out of a relationship you move on, have casual sex and think you can handle it. Next thing you know, you are into your new fuck buddy and you start getting feelings. If that happens, stop. It will only be yourself that will get hurt. Do not mix sex and emotions. Never a happy ending.

5)      Be safe!
Most of you are not stupid enough to go hang out at your local hooker alley and by drugs, so I don’t mean you need to be safe in that way, I have faith in y’all. What I mean is to be safe and use protection because you know, when you are in a relationship it is great not to have to use condoms and now that you are sleeping with the old crush, the tinder and the bar tender, you never know who they have been sleeping with. Don’t be a fool, wrap the tool!

Lots of Love..

Little Miss V..xx

Monday, 10 November 2014

You're Hot & You're Cold.. You're Yes & You're No!

You know what it’s like girls. You are dating a guy, he is excited to be with you, wants to see you all the time, even gets you little gifts, calls and messages all the time and then suddenly, the shift. Something changes and he pulls back.

He stops making plans like he used to and starts making excuses. You start to feel like you did something wrong or he just doesn’t like you as much anymore.

As females, we always think it is us and it is our fault because we are full of feelings and emotions. But let me tell you something girls, it IS the typical “it’s not you it’s me” thing. Why is that? Because men are a completely weird and fucked up species? Yes, that too, but the real reason is because men get scared. They like to act like they are tough and hard on the outside, but on the inside, they are weak and also, full of emotions that they don’t know how to handle.

When a man gets truly close to a woman and deeply intimate for any extended period of time, he loves that feeling and wants more of it. But the strange part of this is that the moment a man experiences this period of intense closeness, he will take some space for himself. It’s like he needs to recover from something, like injuring a muscle after a workout and needs to be rested, that is how a man is. He needs to be alone before he can be strong again.

But why does being in a relationship make a man feel weak?

There is something that I have come to realize, and that is, a man needs to feel like he has a purpose. That is the only reason a man may want to withdraw from you, is because he is not living his purpose. You see, it is important for him to know what he is doing in life and what his purpose is. It could be excelling in his work, having his own company or even training in a sport. Sometimes a man doesn’t even know what his purpose is.

When a man isn’t going after his own purpose or has fallen away from it, he will become irritated and it will often get in the way of the relationship he is in.

For a prime example, take my friend *Melody. She had been with her boyfriend for nearly two years. They lived together and everything was going great until one day he told her he needed a break. She was gob smacked and shocked as she thought everything was fine! Why did he need a break? Because he had lost himself slightly within the relationship. He had stopped playing tennis every week like he used to and even stopped plans of a business he was trying to open. Though he loved Melody, he couldn’t continue the relationship with her if he couldn’t fulfil his life purposes. When she came to me for advice, I told her that she needs to let him go and do his thing. Give him space and let him find himself again and his purpose in life and in no time he will come running back. Though she didn’t want to be without him, she did just that and only a month later, he had his shit figured out and knew that he needed her in his life and she was part of his “purpose.”

So, what to do if your man is withdrawing from you ladies?

1)      Never give him an ultimatum!!
This is the number 1 no no! When a guy is already in a weak state and is already withdrawn from you, by telling him, “it’s me or the business” (for example) he will most certainly not chose you. You are just adding unnecessary pressure that he does not need at that time.

2)      Do not try and convince him of something.
You may think you know your man well, and I am sure you do, but do not try to convince him of something when deep down, he is unsure. Like an ultimatum, you want a man to be committed to you on a physical, mental and emotional level without added force,

3)      Don’t overshare your feelings.
As women, we like to talk. We want to be open with our man and hope he will do the same in return. Well guess what ladies? This won’t happen. You think by sharing your feelings first, he will share his in return. But if he is already being withdrawn from you, this will frustrate him as if he knows you well, he will know you are only trying to get something out of him. Once he is recharged and ready to share his emotions with you, he will. Don’t rush him.

4)      Do not set unrealistic expectations.
You know when things are going well with a guy, you get excited. You want to move things forward even when they guy has not said anything about a next step. Then the typical happens, the guy stops calling or texting and the girl is left speechless and has no idea what the hell is going on. Why did this happen? Because women like to create expectations about how the relationship should be and how he should act. When this doesn’t go the way we want, you become disappointed. This then winds up in confrontation in an angry way and creates distance and tension. The flip of it is, the woman will then try to act as if she is totally fine with it being a casual relationship when deep down, she is fuming. It is only natural.

So what it comes down to is being yourself and letting your man be himself. No pressure, no ultimatums and no pushing. Let him have his space, always, and let him have some control like a man feels like he should. By doing all of the above, hopefully you and your man will have the perfect relationship.

Lots of love..

Little Miss V..xx

Sunday, 26 October 2014

A Dick A Week!

You probably clicked on this in hopes of reading that I get a dick a week. Steady on, I'm not that easy. But the title is true. You see, having a blog like this and having an email address makes some guys think that it is ok to send me dick pictures. Sorry, my profile says about who I am and what I do, not 'please go ahead and send me a picture of your wrinkled, shrivelled up man package.'

When did it become socially ok to just randomly send someone, who you don't even know, a picture of your private parts? Don't get me wrong, I have sent a few pictures in my time but usually to guys I am having a sexual relationship with at the time. There are a lot of internet trolls out there and you need to know the person you are sending pictures to as you never know where they will end up otherwise.

I think it is actually great when couples send each other dirty pictures of themselves. A recent survey conducted revealed that 36% of women are sending or posting nude images of ourselves to guys. 72% send them to be 'fun or flirtatious', and 59% will send snaps as a sexy present for their boyfriend. For a lot of us, sexting can help keep the relationship going, especially when it is long distance and you aren’t able to see each other as often as you would like to or you might just miss each other and want to let them know what they will be coming home to, and that is FINE! What is not fine is when people decide to share these pictures with other people. If I send you a racy picture, it is because I trust you, and trust you not to share it with your group of boys.

Personally, I see "sexting" as a harmelss bit of fun. Girls, if you want to message a guy naughty words and tell him all the things you want to do to him, DO IT! Boys, if you want to send a picture of your jolly rancher to a girl, DO IT! If you are going to say things, live up to it. No point being all mouth. (Well, depends where your mouth is going to be!)

The thing I find amusing about sexting are the ‘talkers’ and when it comes to it, they are for sure not ‘doers.’ For example, I met this guy once and our chat instantly became very flirty and he would message me all the things he ‘wanted to do to me.’ When it came to it, it was one of the worst shags of my life. He was all talk, well, all message. It is very easy to type something reckless…crazy…risqué…yes you see the words, but most of us feel less of a commitment emotionally to the written word. Many men can write the words “I love you” in a valentine’s card or in a text message, but actually saying those three little words out loud, no chance!! In much the same way, writing down what you would like to do sexually is a lot easier than saying it. I mean, whilst in the bedroom, could you actually imagine saying out loud the filthy things you can say in a message? No, me neither!

So from this post, guys, please don’t use this as an opportunity to attempt to send me a picture of your little friend. If I want it, I will ask for it!
I would love to know if any of you have any funny stories in regards to ‘sexting!’

Email me at blogdoll21@gmail.com

Lots of love,

Little Miss V xx






Sunday, 28 September 2014

No Strings Attached!

I was talking with a male friend of mine about no strings attached sexual relationships. He asked me as a girl, is it ok to have one? I replied, “of course it is, as long as you are aware of what type of fling it is and what your partner’s expectations are!”

So obviously we got onto the conversation about it. Can women have sex like men? It is one of those taboo questions if you think about it. Guys will always say no, and that if a woman has sex like a man does, she is a slut. Why is that? Why must we be titled some kind of label for doing the same as them?

It isn’t always so straightforward though. It’s often assumed that men think of sex as just a physical act with ‘no strings’ more often than women do. But when it comes down to it, it can actually be confusing for both sexes. You see, after sex, our bodies are rushing with post-orgasmic chemicals – main one being Oxytocin which tells our brain that we want to bond emotionally as well as physically, meaning one of you may want to cuddle after the huddle. So, with this in mind, is no strings attached sex ever ok?

The Friend with Benefits:
Do not believe what you see/read/hear people. Without a doubt, one side will always fall for the other eventually. This type of NSA sex will go one way or another. It can either turn into a great relationship or someone gets hurt. In my experience and from having FB’s, it usually just goes sour anyway. No FB can ever really turn into a real buddy.

The Tinder Hook Up:
You both know what it is. You met online, conversation got flirty quite instantly, you are watsapp messaging and next thing you know, you are on a night out with your friends drunk and you end up at this person’s apartment. Great first meet. I doubt there will be any snuggles after. Clean and go people, clean up and go!

The Rebound:
I think this one is usually more beneficial for the guy. You know, a girl just got out of a relationship and she needs revenge sex to feel like she’s getting back at her ex (when really, he couldn’t give two shit’s and already started sleeping with someone a week after they broke up.) Guys, if you are looking for casual sex, this could be the one for you. Give her your shoulder if she needs to cry, your ears if she wants you to listen, and then your dick for when she is ready to suck. But, you need to be careful with this one that she doesn’t mislead your wanting of sex and ‘being there for her’ as more and a potential relationship. Make it clear that you are there to help her release her sexual demons!

The Drunk Partygoer:
It’s 2am, you are wasted in a bar and the guy/girl you like is giving you the look. You know, basically eye fucking you. So take the eye fucking to the next level to real fucking. Whisper sweet words into his/her ear and get them home with you. Whatever happens, the next morning make sure you don’t leave without a goodbye. Even if you had beer goggles on and are completely not interested, there is nothing worse than waking up with a hangover and rejection all in one.

The Friend of a Friend:
So it’s a friend’s birthday party and there is a whole group of you out and you spot someone in the group you like and you go over and flirt. You completely hit it off and have both had a bit to drink so what seem like harmless fun at the time could get awkward at the breakfast table the next morning. Don’t avoid eye contact and try to make jokes. Always keep that situation on a good level because don’t forget, you have mutual friends and you will both be embarrassed.

 So, here’s the down low. All of you reading this can probably relate to one (or more) of these situations. I know I can. If you are in it for sex, and just sex then good for you, but be careful that Oxytocin doesn’t creep in because once you lean in for that one snuggle, it all goes down the shitter. As guys are bad at messaging, make sure you message the girl. We don’t need phone calls and hearts, but a text here or there to assure us it wasn’t just meaningless can go a long way. If you can tell that the other side wants more and you don’t, just be honest. Honesty is the best policy.

Good luck guys and girls! If anyone has any good stories for me about NSA relationships, email me at blogdoll21@gmail.com

 Little Miss V..xx


Thursday, 4 September 2014

When Mr.Boots Met Ralph..

Has anyone ever asked you what the craziest thing you have said/done to get out of a bad date? Someone asked me once and I had to think really long and hard. Now, what happened last night will always spring to mind.

It was a warm, August evening in Tel Aviv and I had agreed to meet my date, we will call him Mr. Boots for now, at the beach for a chilled, relaxing evening. Sometimes it’s nice to get away from the generic ‘bar’ date.

Boots is one I met on Tinder and we had been chatting for 6 days. Conversation was always flowing and he seemed really funny and sweet, a bit on the desperate side, but ok. So I agreed to meet him when he said he had a day off of work, being a baggage handler at the airport, and wanted to keep his evening free for me.

So the date comes around and there he is standing in all his 5 foot seven glory, (sense the sarcasm here please, I am the same height) and smiling from ear to ear. He gave me a hug hello with his nice, muscly arms and down to the sand we went. He bought the drink, I bought the blanket and there we sat. Conversation got flowing and I now realise I should ask guys for pictures of them smiling, not just the ones on their profiles. Boots’ pictures were all a bit posey or mouth shut selfies. So when he talked, I saw the inside of his mouth. I wish I hadn’t. His gums were so red it looked like he had a severe gum infection. His teeth were an awful shade of custard and his lips were really chappy and cracked. Strike 1!

Trying to put all of that aside, I remember his hat. He was wearing a trucker hat to a first date. Moving my eyes downwards, I notice his boots. Yes, boots. It is August in Tel Aviv meaning that it is about 30 degrees at night and he is wearing boots. I was so shocked I said to him, “it’s like 50 degrees out why would you be wearing boots?” His answer, “when I came back from America I was so broke I didn’t have any money to buy new shoes!” Strike 2. My reply, “didn’t you get back 5 months ago?” His reply, “yeah but I literally had no money!” Nobody wants to hear about how brass you are. I am no gold digger but I am not messin with some broke… male.

As the date goes on, already despising so much about him, he starts talking about other girls he has dated. Strike 3. Do you think I care why it didn’t work out with each and every one of them? No, I don’t. By now, as you can tell, I was beginning to get frustrated and I knew I had to get out of this date somehow. I didn’t want to be the bitch I know I can be and say, “listen, this isn’t gonna work so let’s end it now.” If I did that, I would have to walk away first and that would have been awkward, seeing as we were sitting on my blanket.

So I made something up. Something so bizarre and ridiculous. Something I don’t think anyone apart from me, this brilliant actress could do. I told him I had a dick. Yes, you read correctly. I told this boy, who had driven 25 minutes to see me and who was so excited, that I am a transgender now going through my transition. That I had my Adam’s apple shaved, my breasts implanted and my testosterone levels reduced due to the oestrogen I was taking. I even told him that my dick and balls had shrivelled so small because of the medication as it’s the only way to have the surgery to make me a natural vagina.

Where was this all coming from? How was I able to communicate all of this to him without hysterically laughing? Luckily, I like a good documentary so I thank my lucky stars I watched one on transgenderism. Obviously he didn’t believe me. He kept laughing and trying to make jokes and there I was tough face on, acting as if I was being deadly serious. I even told him not to joke as it is so sensitive for me.  He finally started to believe me.

Well, at that point we both knew the date was coming to an end. “Why didn’t you tell me over our messages instead of making me drive 25 minutes to meet you?” He asked. Come on, what’s 25 minutes?! Anyway, I replied with, “I guess I just liked you and thought you may be different from the rest, but it’s ok, you’re the same and I understand that not every guy will be accepting of this.” How I am not an actress, I will never know. He didn’t know what to say so I mentioned that I think the date is over. As we were saying good bye I went to high five him, (for some odd reason, like who even high fives these days??) and asked him, “Do you hate me?” “I don’t hate you but I don’t like that you lied to me.” Fair enough. “Do you wanna hug it out?” I asked. To his reply, “ummm we can have a hug but nothing else!” So hugged we did and off I went and immediately phoned my best friend to tell her this insanely creative, awesome yet ridiculously bizarre, crazy, stupid story!

PS, my dicks name was Ralph.

Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Naked Disney Dudes!

So, a friend of mine sent me a link from Jezebel featuring pictures of Disney Dudes and what they look like naked.
I forwarded the link to my best friend and even though a cartoon, we were discussing which ones we would and wouldn’t have. It was as if we were discussing real men! Let me tell you, it shows different length, girth, tone, veins, pube sitch, etc and it totally matches their personalities, and we all know guys like it. So I have written up my own version of each guy.

So let’s start with Gaston.. We all know him from Beauty and the Beast to be the manly one all the ladies want, but not Belle. And now we know why. His over confidence is to make up for the lack of dick! He is the type that shaves off all his pubes to make it look bigger and better. Doesn't work mate, my thumb is still bigger.

Next, we have another dude from Beauty and the Beast and it is the beast himself, aka, Prince Adam. One of those dicks you are disappointed to see. Pretty gross If you ask me, especially when flaccid, un-cut and covered in pubes. The type you deffo don’t wanna suck off.

Prince Eric, the handsome guy you see out and just already know he is going to have a dick that suits you perfectly. You know, good size, looks way better when erect and not too much bush and you know once inside you, you are in for a good time.

Here we have Prince Ferdinand, the love of Snow White’s life. Posing by Snow White’s wishing well, he is the type waiting for you to come and ride his average sized, uncut dick. Nothing special about his dick but his swag and attitude is what will draw you in and you will still have fun, even if he doesn’t make you cum first time round.

Ahh, Prince Charming. He is sweet, funny, good looking and oh, would you believe it, has a beautiful penis. You know what I mean, the type you look at and think, ‘ah, god created you for me.’ Its long and thick but not too long and thick and you are more than happy to go down on him as he is perfectly groomed too. Why aren’t there more of these types in the world?

As we continue, we get to Li Shang. You look at this type of guy, muscly and think. ‘Yeah I reckon he has a nice sized dick’ then you are terribly disappointed when you see it. It’s an average size penis and hangs down over his tiny ball sack that is smaller than marbles and makes you wonder why he even has a ball sack.

Sleeping beauty probably gets woken up by Prince Phillip quite often as you can tell he is a little horny motherfucker. This ginger cutie has a dick that will reach your gspot but if you have a wide set vagina, don’t bother. His dick is long and knows how to bang you and charm you at the same time.

Prince Ali NOT so fabulous as he Ali ah BORINGGGGG! He is like a magic lamp, you need to rub it to get it to do anything. One of those ugly looking dicks with really hairy, large balls. A Grow-er, not a show-er.

Oh Jonny boyyyy, come here loverrrrr. A circumcised beauty in all his glory. Tall, good looking, manly and proud of his manhood. He can paint all the colours of the wind with that large paintbrush. He will give it to you good ladies.

Have you ever hooked up with a guy and then he got his dick out and you just laughed in his face? Yeah, it kinda happened to me once and his dick looked like Prince Hans here, if Hook loses another hand by a crocodile, he will know where to come for another Hook. Don’t bother with this one ladies, he is the type that will sext you a dick pic from the bottom so you think it looks good. Lies. All lies!

Here is Kristoff, the dick you dread. The chode. Small and fat but with big manly balls. Stay away from me Kristoff types. Amen. Thank you.

Last but not least, we have Flynn who is deffo a Ryder! Not the most good looking of dicks but it is the one that he can make move on it’s own like a party trick. It has a little curve but you are cool with it cos his swag and cool vibe will make you want him, and want more. Plus, he shaves his pubes to look like his goatee.
Hope you enjoyed!

Love Little Miss V.. x



Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Wanking In Cars With Boys

Have you ever been on a date with someone and thought, "ok he is cute and seems into me and has been a gentleman, not so sure I'm on it but whatever will see him again?!" But you know you really aren't sure.. This is why sometimes; you just need to trust your gut feeling. You may think its trapped wind, but more likely than not, it's your gut telling you not to see that person again.

So I met this guy online, let's call him Lad. So we spoke one day and that same day he asked me out. I had no plans and thought I need to get myself out there more, so I agreed to the date. He picked me up in his Mini and we drove to get frozen yoghurt. I had told him that I was vegan so he took me to a place that had soya versions; this made me think 'aww how thoughtful of him!'
So we had our froyo then went to sit by the marina and talk over drinks whilst looking out to the sea.

We got on really well, he made me giggle and there was a lot to chat about. He was also really good looking. Now usually, I don't kiss on a first date. You know one of those rule thingys but when he kissed me, so out of the blue and so softly, I couldn't resist but kiss back. After a while we got back in the car and he drove me home. We said good night with a kiss and up to my apartment I went.

The next day he bombarded me with messages and wanted to see me that day. I had plans. After a few days of him persisting and saying how much he missed me (which I found odd considering we had only been on one date) I started to get annoyed. I could also tell he was a bit of a womaniser and I had a feeling I wasn't the only one. I was kind of put off but would be nice and reply. So after a few weeks and several lies to say I couldn't see him, I finally decided YOLO and meet up with him. We said we would chill at his and watch a movie. This kind of meant, 'I don't think I want you as more than a potential new fuck buddy.' Whether he got that or not, I was unsure.

This time, it was a very short meeting. He picked me up, kissed me hello, told me how much he missed me and we started the journey towards his place. He lives about a 6 minute drive from me. On the way he took a left down a road near a bar I go to and just parked up on the side of the road and stared at me then kissed me. I asked him why we had stopped considered he lived down the road. His reply was "I want you so bad!" Umm ok, "so keep driving we are nearly at your house!" He said, "no I want you here and now!" I said "you are joking right? We are on the street!" He said he knew and next thing, he just whipped out his dick from his pants, started wanking and said, "look what you have done to me, help me baby!"
My mouth dropped to the floor. I was in shock!!!! I looked at him and said, "you must be having a laugh mate!!" I got up out of the car and slammed the door shut and started walking off. He was shouting for me to come back and I told him he was an absolute fruit loop!

So, on my walk home I called my best friends to let them know. They were just as shocked as I was. When I look at it now, I find it amusing because he is such a nutter to do such a thing.

Knew I should have trusted my gut feeling!

Lots of love..

Little Miss V.. xx


Wednesday, 21 May 2014

What Women Do In Bed That Men Hate - The Male Reply!!

Of course men do many mistakes in bed, we are simple creatures. I really appreciate all the pointers I can get, and have taken upon myself to return the favor. Big thanks to all my boys that happily aired their grievances, and reported what mistakes women do in the bedroom.
1: Rape fantasies aren't just fantasies, you have a problem. It isn't necessarily a deal-breaker, but I had to put it out there.
2: A good hand-job is an art. Be careful when you are doing it, the penis is sensitive! Be happy to get directions, adapt, and if your knuckles turn white while you are tugging, you are pulling too hard!
3a: We will happily munch your vagina for hours, just give us a bit of head already!
3b: When you are giving me head, you need to love it! Look at my dick as if it's the fountain of youth and you're dying. There is nothing worse than when we expect a solid BJ, but get just 1 minute of unengaged head bobbing, and then a "Now you get on top!". Be engaged, and afterwards we will jump on you.
3c: When you blow, for gods sake, get your teeth out of the way!!!! I never even use a Zip-fly because I don't want any kind of inter-locking teeth close to my dick. Use an abundance of saliva, and make it sloppy.
4: Use your hands, don't orphan the balls, work the gooch (area between back of ball-sack and bum-hole), stimulate the pooper, and potentially add a finger in the ass. UNLESS OTHERWISE INSTRUCTED a little bum-licking has never gone amiss.
5: When you're on top, move vertically. Only move horizontal if you want my dick to break into two pieces. It actually feels like you are dislocating the penis, and when we scream, it is actually screams of pure pain and agony. And if you're unsure which direction is which, let us do you doggy-style whilst you Google it.
6: Farts are ONLY funny if they come from the ass
7: Johnssons baby oil isn't only for babies! If you provide lube, we assume that's a free pass into the Brown eye. And if you are fine with us only using spit, please communicate this.
8: Cock-control can be a tricky thing. We have years of experience and practice in holding it in. But sometimes we just can't. There comes a point when it doesn't matter if a nuclear war breaks out, we will finish. It is usually accompanied by our faces looking as if we are smelling vinegar!
9: Don't immediately get off my dick after I've cum. It's far too sensitive to get in contact with air.
10: Allow comedy! Some of the best jokes come between the sheets. If I want to use your pubes as a Hitler-mustache while screaming racist slurs into your vagina…Embrace the comedy!
Last but not least. Don't get pissy if we don't initiate, we are always up for it!
Written by: Achashverosh, inspired by the "League of Extraordinary Comedians"

Tuesday, 13 May 2014

What Men Do In Bed That Women Hate!

What is one of the main things you talk about when you get together with your girls? Your sex life, obviously. I just love it when me and the girls get together and we discuss our latest shags and who did what and what positions, penis size, good, bad etc!
So it was funny when a few of my girls and I got onto the subject and were discussing all the things men do in bed that they think we like, when really, we don't! So I have compiled a list of my top 10 favourite ones that we came up with.
To all the males reading this, take note...
1) When your so into it and he asks you to put the condom on. Ummmm this is not sexual education class and your dick is not a banana. You put the condom on whilst I try to continue looking sexy.
2) When your giving a blow job and the guy thinks it's ok to push your head as if you are a bobble doll. I have an awful gag reflex, do it one more time and I am vomming on your cock and you will know not to EVER push my head again!
3) Hard spanking. If the mood is right and we are having a good time, a spank doesn't hurt nobody, well, until it hurts somebody. Spank me that hard again I will box you in the nose!
4) When a guy tries to remove your underwear with his teeth. Did god create you with hands? Yes. So use them you moron. We are both horny, don't waste my time and make me lose it by using your teeth. It is not sexy. It's off putting.
5) Wait. Ouch. Hold up. Are you joking me??? You think you can just 'slip' your dick up my ass like I'm not going to notice? It's as dry as a nuns minge darling. Of course I'm going to feel it, I'm in agony. Never try and 'slip' a dick into the A hole. Pre warn and lube us!
6) Oh did you see that position on a porn film? Good for you but NO! It's all fun I'm sure when you are wanking off watching a porno but it is being filmed and they have practiced. So trying to flip us over like we are a crab on top of a rock upside down is not going to work for either of us. Play it simple, play it cool, let us work into positions together.
7) Did someone tell you that saying "who's your daddy" was going to turn me on? Because that is probably one of the most awful things a guy can say to a girl in bed. You are not my father. That is just wrong. I'm clearly fucking you because you turn me on (or this is a drunken club meet) and I'm going with it, don't ruin it with sentences like that. Just don't talk! Satisfy us and we are happy!
8) Guys, it's really cute that you all think you are the master at finger blasting, but if you are trying to pluck strings like I'm a harp, you have it all wrong. Treat our vaginas like a treasure chest. It's golden. 
9) When you cum and we have no idea. It's really annoying when the guy is so quiet so we don't know. Make noises. Moan. It makes us moan. Then let us know your gonna cum, we might be so bored that it'll make us happy. Or if we are enjoying it maybe we can cum together!
10) DO NOT STOP!!!! Why lord why? I was at the point of orgasmic bliss, I'm at the top of the mountains smelling flowers ahhhhh bisto kind of bliss and you stop. Mother fucker I just fell off the mountain. It's selfish. You stop because you are about to cum? Control it boy! Slow yourself down. Don't full on stop to take a moment because if you do that more than once, I would have lost it.
So that concludes the list! I hope you all enjoyed reading it and if there are any you think of, let me know at blogdoll21@gmail.com.
I would love a guy to do a reply to this about the top 10 things women do in bed that you hate. Get in touch!!
Lots of love..
Little Miss V.. X

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Durex - #TurnOffToTurnOn

Hey guys,
So, I was lucky enough to be sent an AMAZING package from Durex for their #TurnOffToTurnOn campaign for Earth Hour. This is basically a video to show people that when with your loved one, stop spending so much time on your phone, or Ipad or laptop etc and show your partner you care with a great love making session! (Obviously always using protection)
I loved the video. People, music, technology and a lead up to sex.. All things I love!
I do think it is so important in this day and age that we pay attention to our partner. We get so wrapped up with our work and day to day going on's that we forget to show the ones we love that we care.
Watch the video on YouTube here..
In the package I was sent was a variety of goodies that included:
A Vanilla scented candle
Mutual climax condoms
Embrace pleasure gel
Play O gel
Pleasure me condoms
Chocolate body paint
Pleasure touch
I have not had a chance to use all the products yet - but I did try the Mutual climax condoms. It says that it is supposed to slow the man down and the female will speed up due to the dots. I think my partner and I may have used it the wrong way because it sped him up (and he hates condoms) and I didn't feel any dots or ribs. Might need to test that again. I also find the smell of condoms gross. Durex, my darlings, next time please let me test nice smelling condoms. I want to have sex and smell vanilla, or strawberries and cream. That will make me orgasm in itself! I also used the Chocolate body paint, which was a lot of fun. Though it was messy and supposed to be romantic, this was not the case for us, it became sticky and we laughed so hard we fell onto each other in our sticky mess and ended up having a great session in the shower. We then went back to bed with the scented candle lit and had a lovely sleep :)
I am very excited to try out the rest of the products and cannot wait to tell you all about them! I have given my friends some condoms to test so will be back with another review in due course!
I really recommend Durex products especially lately with all these new things they have. If you want to spice things up with your partner, go look at Durex products. Get a nice candle and nice embrace pleasure oil and let me know how it goes ;)
Lots of love..
Little Miss V.. xx 

Monday, 20 January 2014

What Do Women Want?

It’s a funny question when you think about it. What do women want? I mean, it’s a rather big question, having to think about all the things you want and generalising. You can ask me in the morning what I want for dinner that night and I won’t know. It is even more of a shocking question when a guy asks you what you want. It happened to me on a date once where he looked at me holding his glass of wine and said “so what is it you want, what are you looking for?” Ok Mr cheap white wine drinker, I want to leave this date and look for a taxi! It surely is like the no no of all questions on a date, right? Because if I tell you that I want to find a serious relationship, you will agree, making me think oh he isn’t such an asshole or a player, next thing I know we are drunk and in bed and then he doesn’t call? Bitch please! 

But when it comes to guys, I guess we, as women, kind of do know what we want. My friends reading this will probably wonder if I know all of what women want as they know I do not think like your average woman. See, in the word woman there is the word man. I seem to be able to think like both. When it comes to dating and sex, yes, I do think like a man. When it comes to relationships, I am the ultimate woman. (PS, I am learning to cook and bake for all you sexy males reading this.)

So here I am about to give a list of what women want. The girly girls, the boyish girls, the psycho stalking kind of girls, the girls who don’t give a shit, basically every type of female usually wants the same things when it comes to relationships. Guys, you are so lucky to be getting this information now! 
The list is in no particular order..

1)      Honesty

Without honesty, there is no trust. Trust and understanding is a big thing with honesty. The minute you lie, you break that trust. Do not fool around with her feelings under the impression you think you may hurt her. Girls would much rather be told the truth than be lied to. If we get hurt we can deal with it, that is what alcohol and Ben&Jerry’s was made for.

2)      Intelligence

Women are attracted to guys that know how to hold a conversation about many different things other than football and beer. Guys need to flaunt this in a way that is humble and interesting. Surprise us with your intelligence. Being knowledgeable is a massive turn on! Do you know something about exotic wines? Listen to Frank Sinatra? Great, tell us, these are things we would like to hear. Nothing makes you more sexy than class and intelligence.

3)      Sense Of Humour

This is usually number 1 for me personally. If a guy can make me laugh, I can fall for him there and then. I love to make people laugh so when someone does it to me, it’s a wonderful feeling. When a guy makes a girl laugh, she can forget about her shit day, or the fight she had with her best friend, it’s a warm and special feeling when a guy makes you giggle. But guys, do not try too hard. Do not tell me jokes you read from the newspaper whilst on the shitter. Let it flow, let it come naturally and you can have a girl at your fingertips.

4)      Challenge

Challenge us. Girls like a challenge. We may (some) act like we are waiting for the phone call or the text message but really we don’t want you to be so clingy and forward. We like a bit of space and we like a challenge. That doesn’t mean go be a player and let us find out that you are texting 3 girls at the same time. It means don’t message us every hour to say hello. Let us miss you, let us wait a bit, give us something to want!

5)      Be Clean

Yes, this is coming. Guys, have some good personal hygiene skills and trust me, it will be appreciated. Smell good. Nothing makes a woman’s labia pulsate like a man with a good smell. I can walk past a man on the street and the whiff of his aftershave can take me to another level (to a point of stalking, I literally turned direction to follow a man once cos he smelt so good.) Anyway, you all expect us to be clean shaven and have good breath and clean hair, well you need to do the same. Get over your rock star dreams with your unruly, unwashed and un brushed hair. Trim your pubes. Clean your apartment. Remove the empty McDonalds packets from your car. Take showers, daily! Oh and also, you need to have a shower before you expect us to suck your dick (no girl wants to gag on cheese).

6)      Do Not Give Away Your Power

Guys, want to know what is really sexy? A man with power. Want to know what is really unsexy? A whipped pussy bitch. Listen, every girl wants their man to drool over them and give them what they want, but no girl wants her man to give in to everything. I am a girl who likes to be in control with most things in my life, so when it comes to men and my relationships, I like a guy to be in control. Don’t wait for me to pick the restaurant every time, do not tell me “I don’t mind baby, whatever you want!” GRRRRR have some power, tell us what you want to do and where you want to go and don’t worry, if we do not like it, we will tell you. Don’t be scared of us or scared to hurt our feelings. Don’t get it twisted though; we don’t want to be controlled about each aspect of the relationship. Yes, a bit of control in bed is good too but let us have our voice and be heard. Just do not be a guy who lets his woman control him. Once girls hear and see it, you become so unwanted. There are girls that will control guys to get what she wants and as soon as she has it and has left your broke ass dry, she will move on to her next victim. These kind of girls are masters at what they do and can get any guy to fall for them. She will basically emotionally rape you.

7)      Generosity

Women love men who can be generous. This doesn’t mean spending your whole paycheck on us. It doesn’t even have to be on us. It doesn’t even have to be money, can be time too. I knew a guy once who volunteered once a week at a dog shelter. Not only do I love dogs, but I love the fact a guy gave up his time to help them providing them love. Unfortunately, his love for women was not as good but he was such a decent guy and I had so much love and respect for him. Of course we love it when guys buy us a little present here and there or provide us with their time, especially on football Sundays – but guys, be generous in the bedroom too. There are girls who love sex just as much as you do, and should you be good at it, we will keep running back for more. You could be the world’s most handsome, kind and funny man, but should you lack skills in the bedroom, we will forget you. Read a book, watch some tutorials get it right and you will win.

8)      Romance

You know what, romance is dead these days. There is too much talking, not enough doing. Guys will message girls all this bullshit over the phone but never back up their actions. Where is chivalry these days? Connect with us emotionally and that is golden. Romance does not have to be gifts. This is where guys get mistaken. Open a door for me, give me your hand when I am getting out of the car, pull out my chair – that is romantic. We aren’t expecting you to be a knight in shining armour, I mean usually we get assholes in tin foil these days but it is the little things that count. These are the things that can sweep a girl off of her feet. Don’t get me wrong, if I liked a guy and he came below my window playing one of my favourite love songs like “Have I Told You Lately That I Love You” (Rod Stewart Version) or “The Way You Look Tonight” (Westlife’s version) I would collapse and have to pinch myself to check I wasn’t in a dream because ultimately, it is EVERY girls dream for something like that to happen.. You would have my heart! Ok, well back to reality we go.. Guys, be romantic god damn it!

9)      Be Yourself!

Guys, you know what pisses me off? When we go on a date and you say all the right things and then I get to know you better and everything you said was just a complete haystack of bullshit lies! Do not talk shit just to impress a girl. Be yourself. Girls are happiest when they can be themselves around guys. Don’t lie and make stuff up because you think it will impress us. We may be impressed for all of ten minutes but when we found out you lied, we will be least impressed for all of ten years. Trust me when I say this, if you are a bit of a geek, go with it. Girls love a guy with an inner geek. If your idea of a perfect date is going to a theme park rather than dinner or drinks then take us. We want to know the real you from early on to identify if you can be the man for us. Be you and don’t pretend and you will get far.

10)   Loyalty

I will tell you what can get a girls knickers in a twist bigger than watching Channing Tatum in Magic Mike, and that is when a guy in disloyal. As females, we know the male species have it in them to be a “player” or a bit of a commitment-phobe. Don’t worry, I have lived as the number 1 emoshaphobe, I know all the ways of living un-attached. Just because you aren’t in a ‘serious’ relationship with someone yet, does not mean you can’t be loyal. If you are dating someone, you know what, forget about the other girls for the time being. Give her all of your attention. There is nothing worse than finding out the guy you are dating took another girls number or was seen chatting girls up. If you continue to act like this, you will get nowhere. If you respect us and actually respect yourself too, then be a gentleman and be loyal. It won’t kill you.