My Sunday began by waking up at my best friends house after a drunken night on the town. A trip around Covent Garden and Mayfair and then to a strip club was how my night panned out avec beer, shots and cocktails. As you can imagine, I woke up feeling quite fragile and wanting to curl up on the sofa watching recorded Britain's Got Talent and numerous episodes of Nothing To Declare.
Luckily, I was able to do this for a few hours until my meet up with Nathan. Why I arranged to see him on a Sunday afternoon was beyond me but oh well, no point cancelling now. So, bubble bath done, there I was in my bath towel applying my make up when I get a text from him.. "Really looking forward to seeing you babe!" ORITEEEEEEE steady on love. Has this boy taken a trip to the high mountains of China and become a monk or something? This is not the Nathan I know and remember. I simply reply, "See you soon doll."
A little while later I am driving to meet him and actually feeling a bit nervous. Now I am not one to get nervous about things but for some reason, I feel on edge about seeing Nathan. The way he seems to have changed is slightly worrying.
So I arrive at the pub we were meeting at and there he is, gorgeous as ever. Sitting in the corner wearing jeans and a white tshirt, muscles protruding and his blue eyes shining, I instantly smile. My insides are going crazy. OH MY GOSH, why do I have butterflies?
I walk over to Nathan and he embraces me with a massive hug and kiss on my cheek and tells me how well I look. I sit down and he goes over to the bar to get us some drinks. He comes back with the large glass of Rose I ordered (thought I might need wine to get through this) and sits down and smiles at me. Once again he tells me how good I look and we start talking. I make him aware that I was shocked to recieve his message of missing me and wanting to meet him. Thought that I would bring it up straight away, no need to beat around this hollybush!
"In all honesty babe, you have always been the girl I think about. Even when I have been in relationships in the last year, I have missed you and wanted you to call me or text me even if you were drunk, but just so I knew you were thinking of me. Why haven't you called me?"
As you can imagine, him saying this had two effects on me. Firstly, my mouth dropped. I was shocked. He thinks about me all the time?! WHAT?! Secondly, the butterflies in my stomach have turned into moths and are biting my intestines, or so it feels.
"I haven't called you Nathan because after what happened on our last encounter actually embarassed me and I didn't hear from you. You know what I am like, I move on and get over things quickly, so after you didn't get in contact, I thought our little thing was done!" Phew, I have said it, well done me, ok quick, down some more wine before he continues.
"After that incident, you didn't call me on a drunken night out for ages so I thought you found someone new and didn't want me anymore. Then I had a girlfriend, actually two in a row but that's all ended now. I have missed you!" I am glad I gulped that wine before he said that.
Ok, so here I am, sat in total confusion. I take another sip of wine, finish my glass, ask him what he wants to drink and I head to the bar to get us drinks. I needed to step away for a moment to think about what he just said. I return to our table and resume the conversation.
"Nathan, all we ever wanted from eachother was a late night, drunken session. Neither of us ever felt more, neither of us ever wanted more. It was fun, we had banter, but why do you still think of me? Clearly your latest girls haven't had nice cupcakes!"
"No babe, your wrong" he replied.
"Someone has a nicer cupcake than me?!" He laughed.
"No, your cupcake rocked my world. I meant you were wrong in the fact that neither of us wanted more. I wanted more, but I had a feeling you didn't so I never persued anything in the fear of a knockback from you!"
I think I am dreaming. Nathan wanted more from me. He still thinks about me. He missed my cupcake and wanted more, or so that is what I am thinking. But I don't like him like that. I wouldn't want anything from him. My cheeks have just flushed a beetroot sort of colour!
"So you let your pride come first?! Wow, your a pussy Nathan!" Oh geez, did I actually just say that? Damn you wine giving me word vomit. His face was full of shock, and he replied..
"Your humour has never failed to amuse me. Let's get out of here, go for a drive!"
Nathan is calling the shots and I don't seem to mind. He has completely dodged the pussy comment, which I suppose I am happy about, that could have got ugly. We get into his car and we are driving down a country lane. For once, the sun is shining in London and its nice to have the window open with a cool breeze blowing onto my face. He parks up by a field, gets out of the car and opens my door. I look at him puzzled. "Yes, I know how to be a gentleman" he replied to my puzzle look face.
He has taken me to what would be known to most as a 'view point' but it is day time and the doggers are asleep. He takes hold of my hand and we go for a walk. I let him hold my hand, like it is natural, like he is my boyfriend. I don't pull away. Oh great, the moths are back and I think they have some worm friends.
Our conversation continues and he is making me laugh. I am giggling like a school girl.
He stops walking, lets go of my hand, looks at me and hugs me.
"I have something I need to tell you."
Oh gosh, please don't tell me you want me. Please don't tell me you want to resume our fling. Please just say you want to be my friend or something.. This is what is going through my head.
"Go on babe, what's up?"
"I know our relationship before was basically built on sex and having a laugh, but I feel like you are such an honest person and I just know I can tell you anything.."
"OK NATHAN! Are you ok?!"
"I'm.... well, I think, ummm, well I am, ummmm.. I'm gay!"
I burst out laughing. Not exactly the reaction he was looking for.
"Are you for real Nath?!"
"Yes. Well, I only realised a few months back. I have had one relationship recently with a man but as it is all so new to me, I stopped it. I was scared. I don't know if I like girls anymore. So thats why I have brought you here. I need you to nosh me off, or have sex with me. It was always great when it happened, so I need your help to make me realise!!"
"Doll, I do not know where that cock has been. Actually, I do. Up some mans asshole. So no, that is not going in my mouth! You can't actually expect I was going to do it. Ha, you haven't changed, well not completely!!" I said this whole sentence whilst giggling.
"Was worth a try hey! Thank you for listening though. Please don't tell anyone, only a few people know. I can't have this being public knowledge, just yet."
"Your secret is safe with me. Wanna drop me back to my car now?"
"Sure" he replied.
So we drive back to the original pub we met at where my car is parked. We discuss loads of things about his new relationship with a man and how it all started and came to him etc. It was really nice chatting as this was something we never did. We arrive at the pub, I get out of his car and he gets out too. He grabs my face, kisses me tightly on the lips and says thank you. I smile at him and get into my car.
As I am about to drive off he is waving at me.
I shout out my window to him, "always remember me when you eat cupcakes" and I winked at him and drove off...