So I just finished watching the film 'Swinging with the Finkels' which was a great British comedy with some awesome jokes.
The film is about a couple who have been married several years and are coming to the stage in their marriage where it is boring and nothing is happening. They decide to indulge in a spot of swinging which doesn't really help them and they seperate for some time before getting back together and her finding out she is pregnant. The end.
The storyline really got me thinking about something to do with marriage, couples, dating, sex and cheating.
A few years ago I was on holiday with some friends. We met a few couples poolside and got talking to them. They happened to be from near the same area as us so found we had a lot in common. One of the couples was *Mandy and *Sam. From the moment Sam saw me, I could just tell that he was watching me, constantly. When I ordered some lunch I could see him watching the way I talked to the waiter, when I went in the pool he watched me swimming and when I ate an ice lolly, well, the way he was staring at me with his mouth wide open surely should have set alarm bells in Mel’s head. After a day at the pool we all decided to go out together in the night for some drinks. I was all dressed up and when we met everyone in the lobby of the hotel, Sam came over to me and whispered in my ear how stunning I looked. I felt really uncomfortable knowing that his girlfriend of 4 years was standing across the way and he was blatantly flirting with me. Off out we went for a night on the town and I happened to have got extremely pissed. I think it was a mix of the sun, the large shots and knowing Sam had not taken his eyes off of me that I needed to be drunk.
The night progressed and everyone in our group (including some we picked up along the way of our bar hopping) were drunk, including Sam. Though he was certainly not as pissed as I was and instead of looking after his girlfriend who was puking over a security guards shoes, he was helping me walk as I was all over the place. I knew from that moment, he was dodgy. Luckily that was their last night of the holiday and I was really glad that they were leaving the next day. Whilst my friends went down to breakfast to meet them, I decided to stay in bed and order up. A knock at the door made me jump to my feet as I was excited for my scrambled eggs and bacon, but to my disappointment it was not my eggs, but Sam. Shocked, I asked him why he was there and he pushed me inside, closed the door, pinned me up against the wall and started kissing me. I was hungover, hungry and horny all at the same time, not a good combo and this was so unexpected. At first I did kiss back, then realising it was him I pushed him off of me and started going mad. Why was he here? Why was he kissing me? The words did not stop coming out of my mouth from anger and disgust and you could say I had word vomit, but then I had real vomit. Being hungover and him making me feel sick caused me to actually be sick! I told him to get out or I would scream, he left.
I arrived back in London a week later and it was as if Sam knew when my flight came in. The moment I landed I received a message on Facebook. It was Sam. He was apologising for what he did but said that he could not help it and he was so attracted to me. The weird thing was that I was happy he messaged me. He was not good looking and actually made me throw up yet I still smiled when I received his message and I wanted to speak to him. I realised as time went on that messaging him back and forth was wrong but at the time I did it. He would tell me how much he fancied me and that he cannot stop thinking about me and at one point, told me he would leave his girlfriend for me. He also told me he didn’t love his girlfriend that much and could easily leave her. Though we had not met up or done anything wrong, I felt awful and told him to delete my details and I want nothing to do with him. Two weeks later I found out he had proposed to his girlfriend and they were due to wed. Once again, he made me sick. How could he propose to her and plan a wedding and to spend the rest of his life with her when clearly he did not love her.
Sam tried to contact me a few weeks before his wedding but I did not reply. Was I suppose to be his excuse to leave his fiancé? I just did not get what it was he was after, but I actually did not want to know. Three years after that and two babies later, he messaged me. You would think after three years you would be over it, but know. This soppy shit just would not go. He was like a bad rash. I decided to reply to his message and we got chatting. At first it was simple hello how are you type messages but then he started with the “I have not been able to get you out my head all this time” types of messages.
So I decided to play along. I wanted to know what was going on in his life. Why was he messaging me? Was he that unhappy in his marriage?
To some this can be perceived as mean and out of order but heck, I’m a blogger and where would I be without people like this?
Sam started telling me about his married life. How they rarely have sex and he enjoys wanking in the bathroom whilst watching porn. I tried to step back a bit and not act friendly, so the bitch in me came out, which happened to make him want to talk to me more. One day whilst he was at work, he sent me a picture of his cock whilst in the toilet with a caption “do you want this?” UMMMMMMM NO thank you, I do not want you’re shrivelled up 3 inch poor excuse for a cock. I didn’t reply to the message. I get home and I have a request on skype from him. I accept. Straight away he is messaging me and wants to go on camera. I told him I won’t go on camera but he wanted to. So I accept the skype call and he is in the bath, showing me his cock. I write to him asking me why he is showing me it. His reply “you turn me on so much, I want to turn you on!” My reply.. “no wonder you are not having sex with your wife, you do not know how to turn a woman on.” I hung up.
He messaged me the next day general chat and if I did not reply to any message there would be a question mark or a change of conversation.
He then messages me asking if I think he is sad. Do I think he is sad? In a way, yes I do. A married man who does not have sex with his wife, leads a boring routine and is messaging another girl non stop and sending dick pics just to get a reaction, yes I do think it is sad and I told him this too.
It then got too much for me when I get a message from him asking if I drive a certain car. He knew what car I drove and where I had been. Was he stalking me? I didn’t like the way this was going and so once again, I told him not to contact me anymore. He tried phoning me and after 6 phone calls I told him if he calls me one more time I will out him to his wife. I didn’t hear from him again.
So like I said earlier, this got me thinking about the whole relationship and marriage thing. When you stand there and say your vows and agree to be there for your partner through sickness and health and ‘til death do you part, are you just saying yes for the sake of it or do you mean it?
- Some true
The number of divorces in England and Wales in 2010 was 119,589, an increase of 4.9 per cent since 2009, when there were 113,949 divorces
- The divorce rate rose in 2010 to 11.1 divorcing people per thousand married population from 10.5 in 2009
- 22 per cent of marriages in 1970 had ended in divorce by the 15th wedding anniversary, whereas 33 per cent of marriages in 1995 had ended after the same period of time
- The number of divorces in 2010 was highest among men and women aged 40 to 44
Marriage needs to mean more than just words. Having children with someone needs to mean you will be there no matter what. If you are having problems with your marriage whether it be lack of conversation or lack of sex, speak to your friends or family. Someone you know may have gone through the same thing and can offer advice. For example, no conversation in your marriage and nothing to talk about and feel lonely? Go see a therapist. Sex life bad and you aren’t getting any? Buy some sex toys and spice things up. I understand that children get in the way but it seems like you need to be there for each other within a marriage and need to make time for each other. Have a once a week date night and enjoy your time together.
So my main message here is if you are going to fall in love, let it be forever, with someone you never want to be without. Do not get married for the sake of it when you are not really in love. Think carefully about the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, and do not cheat!! There really is nothing worse in my eyes than someone who physically cheats on their partner, it is cowardly!
Hmm I am starting to sound like a relationship scrooge here so going to leave on this.. They say men and women are from different planets but we all end up on Earth so might as well get used to it!
Lots of love..
Little Miss V..x