You're Hot & You're Cold.. You're Yes & You're No!

You know what it’s like girls. You are dating a guy, he is excited to be with you, wants to see you all the time, even gets you little gifts, calls and messages all the time and then suddenly, the shift. Something changes and he pulls back.

He stops making plans like he used to and starts making excuses. You start to feel like you did something wrong or he just doesn’t like you as much anymore.

As females, we always think it is us and it is our fault because we are full of feelings and emotions. But let me tell you something girls, it IS the typical “it’s not you it’s me” thing. Why is that? Because men are a completely weird and fucked up species? Yes, that too, but the real reason is because men get scared. They like to act like they are tough and hard on the outside, but on the inside, they are weak and also, full of emotions that they don’t know how to handle.

When a man gets truly close to a woman and deeply intimate for any extended period of time, he loves that feeling and wants more of it. But the strange part of this is that the moment a man experiences this period of intense closeness, he will take some space for himself. It’s like he needs to recover from something, like injuring a muscle after a workout and needs to be rested, that is how a man is. He needs to be alone before he can be strong again.

But why does being in a relationship make a man feel weak?

There is something that I have come to realize, and that is, a man needs to feel like he has a purpose. That is the only reason a man may want to withdraw from you, is because he is not living his purpose. You see, it is important for him to know what he is doing in life and what his purpose is. It could be excelling in his work, having his own company or even training in a sport. Sometimes a man doesn’t even know what his purpose is.

When a man isn’t going after his own purpose or has fallen away from it, he will become irritated and it will often get in the way of the relationship he is in.

For a prime example, take my friend *Melody. She had been with her boyfriend for nearly two years. They lived together and everything was going great until one day he told her he needed a break. She was gob smacked and shocked as she thought everything was fine! Why did he need a break? Because he had lost himself slightly within the relationship. He had stopped playing tennis every week like he used to and even stopped plans of a business he was trying to open. Though he loved Melody, he couldn’t continue the relationship with her if he couldn’t fulfil his life purposes. When she came to me for advice, I told her that she needs to let him go and do his thing. Give him space and let him find himself again and his purpose in life and in no time he will come running back. Though she didn’t want to be without him, she did just that and only a month later, he had his shit figured out and knew that he needed her in his life and she was part of his “purpose.”

So, what to do if your man is withdrawing from you ladies?

1)      Never give him an ultimatum!!
This is the number 1 no no! When a guy is already in a weak state and is already withdrawn from you, by telling him, “it’s me or the business” (for example) he will most certainly not chose you. You are just adding unnecessary pressure that he does not need at that time.

2)      Do not try and convince him of something.
You may think you know your man well, and I am sure you do, but do not try to convince him of something when deep down, he is unsure. Like an ultimatum, you want a man to be committed to you on a physical, mental and emotional level without added force,

3)      Don’t overshare your feelings.
As women, we like to talk. We want to be open with our man and hope he will do the same in return. Well guess what ladies? This won’t happen. You think by sharing your feelings first, he will share his in return. But if he is already being withdrawn from you, this will frustrate him as if he knows you well, he will know you are only trying to get something out of him. Once he is recharged and ready to share his emotions with you, he will. Don’t rush him.

4)      Do not set unrealistic expectations.
You know when things are going well with a guy, you get excited. You want to move things forward even when they guy has not said anything about a next step. Then the typical happens, the guy stops calling or texting and the girl is left speechless and has no idea what the hell is going on. Why did this happen? Because women like to create expectations about how the relationship should be and how he should act. When this doesn’t go the way we want, you become disappointed. This then winds up in confrontation in an angry way and creates distance and tension. The flip of it is, the woman will then try to act as if she is totally fine with it being a casual relationship when deep down, she is fuming. It is only natural.

So what it comes down to is being yourself and letting your man be himself. No pressure, no ultimatums and no pushing. Let him have his space, always, and let him have some control like a man feels like he should. By doing all of the above, hopefully you and your man will have the perfect relationship.

Lots of love..

Little Miss V..xx